IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Topic: The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now.

Topic: The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now.
#topic #floor #plan #library #years
The supplied diagram illustrates how many changes
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happened on one floor of
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
 20 years ago, and it
is shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 the appearance of
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 today.
Overall
, some parts are added or removed;
while
 the others have been moved during these years.
In addition
, the structure of some sectors
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been completely changed.
It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there were some chairs and tables
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
center
Add an article
the center
show examples
 of
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
 which have
destroyed
Add a missing verb
been destroyed
show examples
 now.
Moreover
,
information
Correct article usage
an information
show examples
 desk and self-service machines are established on the west of the floor.
Furthermore
, they were both adult fiction and non-fiction
books
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
 respectively on the left and right in past, but one of them
destroyed
Add a missing verb
was destroyed
show examples
 and adult fiction
books
 were removed to the right.
According to
plan
Correct article usage
the plan
show examples
; all
references
Change the noun form
reference
show examples
books
 are instructed on the left. Enquiry desks
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
located on the west south were demolished and nowadays we can easily use café at
this
 location.
In addition
; there were CDs, videos, computer games and children’s
books
 on the left and right, and today children’s
books
 are transferred to the top left corner and storytelling events and some sofas are there, too.
Also
, the computer room
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 built on the button left of the library
instead
 of
reading
Add an article
the reading
show examples
 room. (201
Correct your spelling
words
wordds
Correct your spelling
words
)
Submitted by abhari1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: