In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
It is an undeniable fact that we have seen a rise in life expectancy among
industrilised
nations. Correct your spelling
industrialised
industrialized
This
essay will delve into two principal problems that it makes for our society
, as well as
providing
suggestions to tackle Wrong verb form
provide
this
phenomenon.
Regarding problems, increase
in life expectancy not only puts a higher pressure on Correct article usage
an increase
new
working class generationCorrect article usage
the new
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
weakens the economic power of countries. First of all, It harms working
class because it reduces new Job vacancies, if Correct article usage
the working
people
expect to live more and with a higher quality, it results in them wanting to work
more due to
feeling energizied
and motivated. Correct your spelling
energized
energised
Consequently
, The retirement age increases and it makes it harder for younger educated people
to find occupation, as these are reserved by mostly eledrly
individuals. Equally importantly, Correct your spelling
elderly
This
event also
brings up the average age in countries which means there will be more old people
than ever which
are either in their retirement( Correct pronoun usage
who
society
needs to work
and provide for them) or even if they are working, they would not be as efficient as Fresh workers. As a result
, work
quality and creativity reduces
and Wrong verb form
are reduced
overally
Correct your spelling
overall
damages
the economy gradually.
To mitigate those mentioned detrimental effects, Verb problem
apply
firstly
, people
shound
be prevented to continue working when they retire, even if they wish. Correct your spelling
should
furthemore
, they can only be allowed to Correct your spelling
Furthermore
work
as supervisors and guides to new workers. This
will help with providing suitable jobs for new people
. Secondly
, We must encourage society
towards inceasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
population
as Correct article usage
the population
this
will increase the number of junior workforce in addition
to bringing the average age down.
In conclusion, while
increase
in average lifeAdd an article
the increase
an increase
expectnacy
is an inevitable fact in today's Correct your spelling
expectancy
society
and has its own problmes
for us, there are ways to alleviate these issues.Correct your spelling
problems
Submitted by soroush.nezami on
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Grammar and punctuation
Ensure consistency in spelling (e.g., 'industrilised' should be 'industrialised'), and pay attention to grammar and punctuation for better clarity.
Argument depth
Be cautious with generalisations. It's beneficial to support claims with examples or data to strengthen the argument.
Cohesion
Use transitional phrases to ensure smooth flow between paragraphs and within sentences. This enhances coherence and overall readability.
Argument breadth
Consider exploring a wider variety of solutions, including technological and healthcare innovations, to provide a more comprehensive response to the issue.
Structure
Your essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and conclusion.
Content relevance
You've effectively identified and discussed the problems stemming from increased life expectancy.
Solution viability
The suggestions offered for mitigating the impact of ageing populations are practical and show consideration of societal needs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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