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Band 6

It is commonly said that today’s children are facing huge challenges. This essay indent to discuss the causes of these pressures and give some suggestions to solve them.

#today’s #children #challenges #indent #pressures #suggestions
Nowadays
children
 are under enormous pressure.
This
 issue could have some reasons, which include being the only child and
participation
Replace the word
participating
show examples
 in the improper classes .
Moreover
, the solutions for
this
 problem will be discussed below. To commence with, increased pressure on
children
 could have some causes. One of the most prominent matters could be related to the only child issues. Specifically,
this
 problem creates
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high
stress
 level for
children
 to satisfy their parents’ wishes and wants.
On the other hand
, parents are getting more demanding
due to
 the competitive societies that they live in. Particularly, these competitions are related to the acquisition of knowledge and skills which are not compatible with the
children
’s mental level.
For example
, in Iran, kids have to learn mathematics and chemistry in elementary schools which is beyond their cognitive development.
On the other hand
, there are some solutions for
stress
 moderation in youngsters who are facing these challenges. Specially, these remedies must be more focused on parents. They, through projecting their dreams to their kids, try to satisfy their unattained wishes.
Consequently
,
children
 will pay the cost of living for others’ dreams
instead
 of theirs. So, parents’ training could be useful in decreasing
children
’s
stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. The other solution could be the adjusted training based on kids’ mental development. Specifically, avoiding youngsters’ enrollment in high-expectancy education could make drastic positive changes in their
stress
 management. In a nutshell, nowadays kids experience a high amount of tension which could be related to their parents’ pressure to satisfy their own unmet desires as an only child.
Moreover
, participation in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education which are not compatible with
children
’s developmental stage could be harmful. Increasing parents’ knowledge in controlling their wishes, and not forcing youngsters to high-level studies could resolve these issues.
Submitted by aksoysana on

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coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sentences lack clarity and could be made more coherent.
task achievement
Ensure that ideas are fully developed with relevant and specific examples. This will strengthen the argument and provide more depth.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can be improved for greater clarity and fluency.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides potential solutions to the problem posed.
coherence cohesion
A logical progression of ideas is evident, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
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