Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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modern era,
sports
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become popular among
people
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and
people
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spend a lot of their money on
this
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. So, encouraging
children
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to get into
sports
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at an early
age
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would be beneficial for their
country
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. I will discuss these points in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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with, there are numerous companies who sponsor the competitions of
sports
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and
while
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sponsoring they advertise their brand as well.
For example
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, Michael Jordan endorsed the Jordan shoe which is the most expensive shoe in the whole world and
people
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still buy it and remain the most sought shoe up to
this
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day. They have a plethora of viewers and fans of
sports
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star
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stars
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who support them in any way.
Due to
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this
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reason,
people
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like to purchase the item
what
Correct word choice
that
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their
sports
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star endorsing.
Thus
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, it helps to economic growth of the
country
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as well.
Furthermore
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, some
children
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have no talent for studying rather than playing.
For
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this
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reason, putting juveniles in
sports
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at a younger
age
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would be beneficial for their
country
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.
For instance
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, Sania Mirza is a tennis sportswoman, she has been playing since their childhood and made herself strong and competitive so that no one can lose her and now she has become the best sportswoman in the world.
As a result
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,
sports
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stars become
a
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apply
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very good
challenger
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challengers
show examples
which
is
Verb problem
makes it
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hard to compete with them.
Therefore
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, spending money on
children
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at a young
age
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would be beneficial for the
country
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. In conclusion,
this
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is advantageous for the
country
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and companies as well if they spend on these
sports
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events and stars. I agree that
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country
Correct article usage
the country
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should spend money on
children
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at
their
Change the word
an
show examples
early
age
Use synonyms
and
become
Verb problem
make
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them a very good competitor
in
Change preposition
apply
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which help the
country
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for
Change preposition
with
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the
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apply
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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growth.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing your sentence structure and vocabulary to make your points clearer and more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear transitions.
Task Achievement
Continue to use specific examples as they strengthen your argument, but also aim to directly link these examples back to the question prompt more clearly.
Introduction and Conclusion Presence
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your argument, presenting a clear stance on the issue.
Logical Structure
You have provided a logical structure to your essay, which helps in making your argument coherent.
Relevant Specific Examples
The use of specific examples, such as Michael Jordan and Sania Mirza, effectively illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • grassroots level
  • uncover hidden talents
  • sustainable sporting culture
  • healthcare costs
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • elite sports
  • fosters
  • unhealthy competition
  • engagement
  • initiatives
  • cost-effective
  • broader impact
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