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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.
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The line graph
illustrate
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illustrates
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 the proportion of households with five technologies in the U.S. between 1995 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
amount
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number
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 of households
have
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has
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 increased in all technology sections across
to
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apply
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5 years. A key trend is that washing
machine
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machines
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,
computer
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computers
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 and
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 have gradually risen each year. At the same time, the
phone
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 has
Add a missing verb
been desended
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desended
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descended
decided
 and
DVD
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the DVD
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 player has
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been transfrormed
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transfrormed
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transformed
 the
propotion
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proportion
promotion
. Turning to the data in more detail, in 1995, washing
machine
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machines
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,
computer
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computers
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 and
Internet
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the Internet
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have shown
Wrong verb form
showed
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 similar
trend
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trends
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 at approximately 60%, 40%, and 10% respectively.
In addition
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, the Internet has
huge
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apply
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grown about 5 times than other aspects
untill
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until
 1999.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in 1995,
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phone
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phones
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 and DVD
player
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players
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have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started at around 18% and 35% respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
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phone
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the phone
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has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exceeded
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
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 player and computer in 1996 and
in
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apply
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1999 respectively,
Use synonyms
phone
Add an article
the phone
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 has extremely increased over the 4 years and hit a high of percentage
at
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apply
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75%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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