Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of each individual to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion
It
is commonly believe
that the Change the verb form
is commonly believed
government
ought to accountable
for Add a missing verb
be accountable
crime
prevention, although
some people
are of the opinion that the responsibility of the person to
take care Add a missing verb
is to
themselves
. I Change preposition
of themselves
considered
that Wrong verb form
consider
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
crime
should be on government
Correct article usage
the government
than
on Rephrase
rather than
individual
.
On the one hand, some Add an article
the individual
people
that who
should be to deter crimes Correct pronoun usage
apply
in addition
catch
Wrong verb form
to catching
offender
is the Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
government
, i
agree. Change the capitalization
I
In other words
, make
the country Wrong verb form
making
safety
Replace the word
safe
furthermore
reduce
the Wrong verb form
reducing
criminal
inside of country Fix the agreement mistake
number of criminals
that
is one of the most important Correct pronoun usage
apply
task
for Change to a plural noun
tasks
government
because the they have all power
Correct article usage
the power
sush
as money, Correct your spelling
such
prison
,Fix the agreement mistake
prisons
also
creat
strict rules . To illustrate, IF Correct your spelling
create
the
criminals see there are hard Correct article usage
apply
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
arrived
Change the verb form
arrive
to
capital punishment, they will think twice before committing Change preposition
apply
offence
Add an article
an offence
the offence
On the other hand
,it is often believe
that it is better if the Change the verb form
is often believed
persons
look after themselves.Replace the word
people
This
hard task to focus
on all foreigners Change the verb form
focuses
people
afraid of the might be Correct word choice
and people
offender
,Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
moreover
this day
Fix the agreement mistake
these days
the
guns are more modern ,so if the murderer has Correct article usage
apply
gun
,Add an article
a gun
who
can Correct pronoun usage
he
she
kills
from Change the verb form
kill
big
distance without knowing who Add an article
a big
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
.
Add a missing verb
is.
Also
that
it could cause society problems because the treatment will be bad between the Correct word choice
apply
people
as result
of protecting themselves and Add an article
a result
scared
of Verb problem
being afraid
to be
victims
In conclusion,though Change the verb form
being
people
may very
in their opinion,I think that way will be more Correct your spelling
vary
success
Replace the word
successful
to
Change preposition
in
prevention
Replace the word
preventing
the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
not only decrease crime
rate Correct article usage
the crime
this
will be better by
Change preposition
for
government
than Correct article usage
the government
individual
Change preposition
for individual
Submitted by s_syedy on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which is good. However, the development of ideas could be more detailed and specific examples could enhance your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, consider organizing your essay more effectively by clearly separating your paragraphs to discuss each view separately before presenting your own. Use linking words to better connect your ideas.
Task Achievement
To boost the clarity of your argument, work on presenting your ideas more comprehensively. For instance, when discussing the government's role, including specific measures they could take beyond punishment, like community programs, could enrich your argument.
General
Work on grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Minor errors and limited vocabulary choice affect the clarity of your expression.
Task Achievement
You successfully engaged with the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion, which is integral to the task's requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay reflects an effort to structure your arguments, even if more clarity in structuring paragraphs and ideas could be beneficial.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.