IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People should only buy food sourced locally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #food
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the population should acquire only
food
Use synonyms
 that comes from local sources. We can surely list some benefits and drawbacks related to
this
Linking Words
 topic. On one hand, buying
food
Use synonyms
 sourced locally could have a huge impact on the economy of the local region.
This
Linking Words
 is because many local retailers are often hidden, by the big companies, for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 of costs and reputation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, buying only
locally
Change the word
local
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 could bring them more customers and, at the same time, a bigger return for the local producers of those products.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 that comes from local producers, could be of a better quality compared to what
people
Use synonyms
 find in the big supermarket.
This
Linking Words
 could be justified from a well-controlled plan of production, that usually
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not include chemical preservatives and other biological ingredients.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, local producers do not benefit from economies of scale, as they do not have a huge number of quantities produced.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the general prices for customers could be higher than those
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the big supermarkets.
This
Linking Words
 could lead to financial issues for some
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some territories have a lower number of resources that can be used to produce
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 means that in some regions,
people
Use synonyms
 could have a very restricted opportunity of choice.
This
Linking Words
 could lead
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 problems
under
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a nutritional point of view.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I think that
people
Use synonyms
 should be obligated to buy local
food
Use synonyms
 from local retailers. But, at the same time, they should have the opportunity to buy products
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 other regions and nations to have a wider choice.
Submitted by silvestriandrea.it on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments in both the advantages and disadvantages sections. Concrete examples can make your essay stronger and more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments more coherent.
Task Achievement
To further enhance the task response, ensure that your conclusion clearly reflects your own opinion and ties back to the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have provided a well-organized and structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your exploration of both the advantages and disadvantages of buying locally sourced food is comprehensive and covers the main points well.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've effectively used an academic tone appropriate for IELTS writing, which contributes to the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: