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Writing Samples
Band 6

the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and women in the different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010. summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and women in the different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010. summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #group #activity #summerise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram below
is representing
Wrong verb form
represents
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Australians pursuing physical activity, in 2010, in different
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and different genders. It illustrates that
although
Linking Words
 the rate of active women was almost constant,
men
Use synonyms
 had variable involvement in regular exercise. Between the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 35 to 64, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
almost
Correct article usage
an almost
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 constant
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 53%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 active
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, these numbers varied between 39.5% to 52.8% in the
Use synonyms
men
Correct your spelling
male
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 population, with the least in the
age
Use synonyms
 group 35-44 and the highest rate in the
age
Use synonyms
 between 15 to 24. In all
age
Use synonyms
 groups, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 pursuing physical activity
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 more than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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, except
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 between 15 to 24.
However
Linking Words
, these
Use synonyms
percentage
Change the determiner
percentages
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 were almost the same after the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 bar chart demonstrated the involvement of Australian women and
men
Use synonyms
, in 2010, in different
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. It shows that
although
Linking Words
 women were more active after the
age
Use synonyms
 of 24,
men
Use synonyms
 caught up
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 rate after the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65.
Submitted by zhr82.rahmani on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, age, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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