IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some cultures old age people are highly valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#cultures #age #people #youth
There is a common belief that
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology,
robots
 are said to play an essential role in human life
due to
 their help in dangerous working conditions.
However
,
this
Fix the agreement mistake
writer
show examples
writers
Fix the agreement mistake
writer
show examples
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that with the ability to do multiple tasks
Change preposition
with
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
robots
,
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 will become lazy and useless. It must be understood that
robots
 can be used to work in dangerous places. To explain
further
, in some constructions or caves with poor conditions, people can easily face risks and have bad
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their health, by replacing
humans
 with
robots
 will avoid consequences.
As a result
, in some emergency situations,
robots
 can be broken down or destroyed.
However
, it is
easily
Change the word
easy
show examples
 to repair or replace a new one,
this
 will be costly but can ensure that people are safe. Take NASA as an example where scientists use
robots
 to explore new planets
instead
 of
astronaunts
Correct your spelling
astronauts
 to make sure that planets are safe enough for
humans
.
Robots
 bring a wide range of benefits,
however
, it will be a negative development for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society if being used in the wrong way.
In other words
, with the
useful
Replace the word
usefulness
show examples
 of
robots
,
humans
 become dependent on
this
 technology and not be able to do things for themselves when
robots
 can do the housework or work like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
.
As a consequence
,
humans
 can become lazy and
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their jobs because
robots
 replace them.
This
 will increase the unemployment rate and let society down. In some developed countries,
robots
 are used in different jobs and millions of people are facing unemployment.
This
Correct your spelling
Thus
show examples
, there is no doubt that
robots
 play a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human lives with their support in hard and dangerous work.
However
, it will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a bad effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society if
robots
 are used in the wrong ways and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are relying too much on them.
Submitted by  11E4 Community on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction clarity
Ensure a clear introduction summarizing both views and stating your own opinion directly.
Coherence
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more naturally.
Opinion clarity
Clarify your own opinion more distinctly, ensuring it is noticeable throughout the essay, not just at the end.
Example specificity
Expand on examples to illustrate your points more clearly, ensuring they directly support your argument.
Argument support
Avoid general statements or assumptions without clear support or examples.
Task response
Discussed the benefits and drawbacks of robot usage effectively, covering the prompt.
Structure
Utilized a clear structure with defined paragraphs for different views.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: