IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures old age people are highly valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#cultures #age #people #youth
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There is a common belief that
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
of
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apply
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technology,
robots
 are said to play an essential role in human life
due to
 their help in dangerous working conditions.
However
,
this
Fix the agreement mistake
writer
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writers
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writer
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argues
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argue
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 that with the ability to do multiple tasks
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with
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of
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with
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robots
,
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 will become lazy and useless. It must be understood that
robots
 can be used to work in dangerous places. To explain
further
, in some constructions or caves with poor conditions, people can easily face risks and have bad
affects
Replace the word
effects
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to
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on
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 their health, by replacing
humans
 with
robots
 will avoid consequences.
As a result
, in some emergency situations,
robots
 can be broken down or destroyed.
However
, it is
easily
Change the word
easy
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 to repair or replace a new one,
this
 will be costly but can ensure that people are safe. Take NASA as an example where scientists use
robots
 to explore new planets
instead
 of
astronaunts
Correct your spelling
astronauts
 to make sure that planets are safe enough for
humans
.
Robots
 bring a wide range of benefits,
however
, it will be a negative development for
the
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society if being used in the wrong way.
In other words
, with the
useful
Replace the word
usefulness
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 of
robots
,
humans
 become dependent on
this
 technology and not be able to do things for themselves when
robots
 can do the housework or work like
a
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real
officer
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officers
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.
As a consequence
,
humans
 can become lazy and
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
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 their jobs because
robots
 replace them.
This
 will increase the unemployment rate and let society down. In some developed countries,
robots
 are used in different jobs and millions of people are facing unemployment.
This
Correct your spelling
Thus
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, there is no doubt that
robots
 play a vital role
to
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in
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 human lives with their support in hard and dangerous work.
However
, it will
be
Verb problem
have
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 a bad effect
to
Change preposition
on
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the
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apply
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society if
robots
 are used in the wrong ways and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 are relying too much on them.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Introduction clarity
Ensure a clear introduction summarizing both views and stating your own opinion directly.
Coherence
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more naturally.
Opinion clarity
Clarify your own opinion more distinctly, ensuring it is noticeable throughout the essay, not just at the end.
Example specificity
Expand on examples to illustrate your points more clearly, ensuring they directly support your argument.
Argument support
Avoid general statements or assumptions without clear support or examples.
Task response
Discussed the benefits and drawbacks of robot usage effectively, covering the prompt.
Structure
Utilized a clear structure with defined paragraphs for different views.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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