Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the healthcare system, the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing. What are the potential reasons for this, and what are some of the long-term effects?

Despite
to bring
Verb problem
the
show examples
developments in the healthcare system
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
worked by the
governments
, the
overall
fundamental
Fix the agreement mistake
fundamentals
show examples
of physical health in some countries which developed
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
going down. There are several main reasons and their long-term influences, and in
this
essay, it will be discussed. First of all, in spite of
governments
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
to improve
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
system,
however
, there is not observed any development. One of the main reasons is that the number of restaurants
which are sold
Wrong verb form
that sell
show examples
the majority of junk foods and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meals
which are
included
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
chemical additives is increasing day by day at an alarming rate. Unsurprisingly, these
meals
attract the individuals’
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
and people
great
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
derive pleasure from the
meals
.
Consequently
, the number of individuals who are obese is going up.
Therefore
, it is capable of
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
workings
Correct article usage
the workings
show examples
of
governments
on
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
system
cannot
Verb problem
not
show examples
affect
Fix the infinitive
to affect
show examples
the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical health positively. Another reason worth noting is that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not
saw
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a lot of sports facilities in
parks
Correct article usage
the parks
show examples
of countries.
Hence
, people who eat
meals
containing chemical additives are not able to burn off their calories and it leads to
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
on extra weight. With regard to
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
show examples
of
this
problem, one of the main influences is that individuals can suffer from more enormous health-related issues,
such
as cancer and heart diseases and they have the opportunity to lead to death.
Moreover
, citizens can leave their countries and
this
situation might affect the number of dwellers
due to
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
of sports facilities. In conclusion,
although
governments
try to find some solutions, they cannot increase
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical health. There are primary reasons and their effects.
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Be careful with the accuracy of your language to avoid misunderstandings and make your arguments clearer.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified potential reasons for the declining standard of physical health in developed countries and discussed long-term effects.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good practice for coherent writing.

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