IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear .......................,

Dear Mr.Smith, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to let you know about my interest in another department.Currently, I am working in the sales department, where I have improved my communication and interpersonal skills. I heard about the opening of a new position in the 'health and safety department'
last
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 week via co-workers.
Then
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, I did some research on the website to get information about the requirements for
this
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 role.Fortunately, It matches with my prior experience.
Hence
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, I can confidently say that
this
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 would be an asset for the company to hire me for
this
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 position.
Although
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, the Company do not need to hire a team for training purposes
due to
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 my past jobs.
Consequently
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,
this
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 could save a lot of time and money involved in the recruitment process. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 working in
this
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 company since 2015. Every year,
this
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 organization come up with growth opportunities which is hardly seen in other big companies.I strongly believe that my punctuality and enthusiastic behaviour could help me to reach at top management level one day which could be only possible here, which is the main reason behind giving my loyalty to
this
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 firm for a long time. I look forward to your response. Yours Sincerely, Ramandeep

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has its own clear main idea. Some ideas could be grouped better.
task achievement
Be more specific about how your skills can help the new department. This can strengthen your case.
task achievement
Consider adding a more personal touch about your experience with the company to show your commitment.
task achievement
You express your interest in a new role clearly, which shows your ambition and initiative.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a polite tone and includes a clear greeting and closing, which is good for communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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