IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that we have too many choices. to what extent so you agree or disagree?

#people #choices
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It is argued among individuals that these days everyone has a
lot
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 of choices that they can make. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
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 notion because we live in the 21st century and a
lot
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 of nations have
democracy
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.
Also
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, a
lot
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 of
jobs
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 and courses were created over the past few years, that each person can choose whatever they like.
To begin
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 with,
democracy
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 is very common in some
countries
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, especially developed
countries
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. With
this
Linking Words
 thing all
people
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 can live the way they like,
moreover
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, they can be whatever they want to be, choose every religion they like, and
also
Linking Words
, they can have their own preferred style.
However
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, I need to mention that, still some nations like developing
countries
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, do not have
democracy
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 and that it means, a
lot
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 of options are not available for their
people
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,
although
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, the number of these
countries
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 is very low.
For instance
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, as we know, in modern days, there are different types of sexuality for all humans, and each person can see which one of them is close to their personality and
then
Linking Words
 they can choose that sexuality for themselves. Another thing is that
,
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apply
show examples
 there are massive numbers of distinctive
jobs
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 and courses for all
people
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 of any age, in the past, there were not so many fields for individuals to consider.
Furthermore
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, still new occupations are being introduced to everyone,
this
Linking Words
 thing makes it so easy for
people
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 to find their passions and interests without any difficulties.
For example
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology , there are so many
jobs
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 and so many studies for all
people
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, like how to create a machine , how to come up with a solution for some techs that are malfunctioning, and a
lot
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 of things related to that.
Also
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, after the internet was introduced to humans we saw a
lot
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 of
jobs
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 related to that, like bloggers, and these kinds of things.
To sum up
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, as I mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I agree that, nowadays we have a
lot
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 of options to select from
due to
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 several things like having
democracy
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, and so many choices for choosing an occupation.
Submitted by abbasisarina340 on

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Depth of Argument
Try to develop a more nuanced argument with diverse examples that illustrate the complexity of having many choices today—not just focusing on democracy and jobs but perhaps also on consumer goods, lifestyle choices, etc.
Structure & Linking
Consider refining your essay structure by having more clear paragraph divisions and using a variety of linking words to enhance flow between ideas.
Precision in Argument
Be cautious with general statements. While developed countries typically exhibit greater freedoms, including the choice of careers and lifestyles, it's important to recognize the nuances within developing countries rather than oversimplifying the situation.
Thesis Statement
You provided a clear thesis statement, aligning your essay effectively with the question asked, showcasing your agreement with the prompt.
Use of Examples
Your examples, particularly about the advancements in technology and the internet leading to new job opportunities, are relevant and support your main points well.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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