Some people think it is important to construct new buildings rather then wasting money maintaining the old ones . To what extent , do you disagree or agree with this opinion ?

Nowadays shopping has become an amusement activity and gained popularity among
people
of all ages. It has been transformed into a pleasure and recreation pursuit for many individuals. The growing enticement of shopping, in spare time, track down to the increasing influence of social media activities and advertisements.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
the transformation of social culture
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
into the
technologic
Replace the word
technological
show examples
era has
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
people
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
more time and money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
relaxation. Predominantly the impact of media portraying the luxury
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
and modern
things
on television, films, theater etc. has a great impact on an individual’s life.
In addition
, a rapid incur of large, fancy shopping malls with lavish brands, exciting opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
recreational activity and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
of different
cuisine
Fix the agreement mistake
cuisines
show examples
, all under one roof, fascinate
people
to spend their time over there.
People
get
attraction
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
lavish
things
and feel pleasure
to blag
Change preposition
in blagging
show examples
into
Change preposition
about
show examples
such
items. For many individuals, it gives a sense of accomplishment to them. It’s an entertainment
as well as
relaxation for them. There is
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
show examples
impact of shopping on
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
as well as
in general. Many times
people
continue to shop
things
Change preposition
for things
show examples
beyond their
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
show examples
for the same.
This
may have economic consequences for them as spending more money than their capacity
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
social and economic
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
on them.
On the other hand
, an
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
consumption of products leads to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
productivity,
hence
it increases the marketing competition among the
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
might create new job opportunities and new varieties of items in the market. In conclusion, shopping as a leisure activity has many good effects as it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
relaxation and entertainment but
on the other hand
, we should not ignore the impacts of overbuying
things
that may lead to mental stress and financial burden.
Submitted by drrashidahmedd on

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task achievement
Try to directly address the essay question in your introduction and conclusion to make your position clear.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of conjunctions and linking phrases to improve the flow and cohesion between ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments and make them more compelling.
task achievement
Keep a balance between discussing the positive and negative impacts to fully address the essay question.
task achievement
You've effectively outlined both the positive and negative aspects of shopping as a leisure activity.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear paragraph structure that helps to organize your ideas effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage preservation
  • environmental sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • architectural integrity
  • cultural significance
  • retrofitting
  • economic considerations
  • modern infrastructure
  • urban development
  • historical landmark
  • construction costs
  • energy efficiency
  • community identity
  • adaptive reuse
  • sustainable development
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