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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: The tables and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the chart shows how it was distributed.

Topic: The tables and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the chart shows how it was distributed.
#topic #tables #information #police #budget #area #britain #money
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The supplied tables and charts demonstrate how the police
budget’s
Change noun form
budget
show examples
 money was spent in one area of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
England
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2017 to 2018. The table illustrates where the money
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
came from
three
Change preposition
in three
show examples
 sections and the chart
indicate
Change the verb form
indicates
show examples
 the process of its
distributing
Replace the word
distribution
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
; the percentage of salaries was nearly the same,
while
Linking Words
; the section
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technology
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased in 2018.
It is clear that
Linking Words
; the part of the third one has not changed.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie charts; the income of officers and staff
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 75 per cent and it has been decreased to 69 in 2018.
In addition
Linking Words
; 8 per cent of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technology in the first year which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
went
Change the verb form
gone
show examples
 up to 14 in 2018;
while
Linking Words
 the portion
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 building and transport was equal. The budget of national government and local taxes were respectively 175.5 and 91.2 million in 2017 which had a relative increase and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
177.8 and 102.3 million.
Moreover
Linking Words
;
section
Correct article usage
the section
show examples
 of other sources had just a little increase from 38 to 38.5 million. Needless to say
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
; the total of resources had been rose during these years from 304.7 to 318.6 m in 2018.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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