Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

It is argued that, to increase the quality of public

health

, more

sports

facilities

are necessary.

However

, not everyone agrees with

this

proposal. Many people believe that it would be ineffective and that other alternatives should be implemented. In my opinion, to effectively improve the

health

of the general population, prioritizing other measures like modernizing hospitals and

health

professionals' pay

rise

Fix the agreement mistake

rises

show examples

is paramount. Investing in

sports

centres can benefit

humans

Fix the agreement mistake

human

show examples

healthiness. In fact, having athletics

facilities

in the community promotes the practice of different

sports

like CrossFit, running, and yoga, contributing to

decrease

Wrong verb form

decreased

show examples

chances of developing diseases

such

as heart attacks and dementia.

In other words

, when investing in spaces for

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

practice, governments are working on preventative measures to support their community to be healthier.

However

, when exercising, people can injury injure themselves, which results in more

health

resources

needs

Wrong verb form

needed

show examples

. In Brazil,

for instance

, the number of people having knee surgeries has risen considerably

due to

many individuals being injured after overexercising.

Thus

, not everyone agrees that investing in

sports

facilities

is the best solution to improve

society

Change noun form

society's

show examples

healthiness

Replace the word

health

show examples

. There is

also

a strong argument that governments should be spending more on hospital modernizations and increasing the wages of underpaid

health

professionals. In Australia,

for instance

, nurses are recognised as essential workers, yet they need to fight for fairer salaries and adequate work conditions.

Likewise

, in

third world

Add a hyphen

third-world

show examples

nations, hospitals fail to offer modern treatments to their patients because they don't have the appropriate machinery. Considering these aspects, it becomes vital to guarantee that basic public

health

needs are met before investing in more spaces for

sports

Hence

, in my opinion, governments must ensure that a basic healthcare structure is met before investing in

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

facilities

. In conclusion, even though investing in

sports

spaces can help to prevent sickness, it is vital to ensure that basic public

health

such

as modern necessities are met. A good solution is to guarantee fair wages to

health

workers and ensure hospitals are m

Submitted by betinhaa00 on Sun Apr 21 2024

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vocabulary and sentence complexity

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redundancy and conciseness

Be cautious with the redundancy of ideas or phrases. Strive for concise and direct expressions that add new information or perspectives to your argument.

supporting evidence

Consider adding more direct examples or data to support your claims. Real-world examples or statistical evidence can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

balanced argumentation

Your essay provides a balanced discussion on both viewpoints regarding the effectiveness of sports facilities vs. other measures in improving public health.

clear opinion

You successfully concluded your essay with a clear and concise opinion, which is crucial for a high score in task response.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

331 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is importatnt for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?