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Band 5.5

The spread of urban areas has led to deforestation and has caused many animal species to become endangered. Environmental groups are urging governments to protect these animals. What are the benefits of protecting animals? What can governments do to protect animals

#spread #areas #deforestation #species #groups #governments #animals
It is widely known that
animals
Change the noun form
animal
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species
 are declining in numbers,
due to
 the fact that ,
expention
Correct your spelling
expansion
 of urban areas. Lots of environmental activists and groups are demanding
governments
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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put measures in place in order to help ease the situation. The main benefit of protecting
animals
 is that
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
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of
Change preposition
in
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 maintaining a balanced ecosystem.
Furthure more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it will promote tourism and economic growth.
For example
, kiwi birds are
only
Correct article usage
the only
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 habitat here in New Zealand,
tourists
Correct word choice
and tourists
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 around the world travel to see the precious
species
, by keeping kiwi birds in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own
scanctrury
Correct your spelling
sanctuary
, indeed, would bring
fininal benefitcs
Correct your spelling
financial benefits
 to the
local
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locals
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.
Loosing
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Losing
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 the precious
species
 will bring the outcome to an unbalanced and chaotic ecosystem. In order to prevent that from happening, we need to protect animal habitats as valuable as our home,
as a result
, we maintain the natural balance of all life on Earth. There are actional plans for
governments
 to solve the obstacles.
Firstly
 ,
governments
 should raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of animal protection; Not only
environments
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 groups but
also
 students, kids, locals and all the community should have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangered
Correct your spelling
endangered
show examples
species
.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
teaching kids how and what to do in everyday life to help
animals
.
Secondly
,
governemts
Correct your spelling
governments
 can build animal
sanctruries
Correct your spelling
sanctuaries
 in order to
resuce
Correct your spelling
rescue
reduce
 them and help them to build suitable habitats.
Last
 but not least, putting
budget
Add an article
a budget
the budget
show examples
in to
Join the words
into
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 animal
rescuing
Change the form of the verb
rescue
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
challenging and hard work which costs a lot of public
resource
Change to a plural noun
resources
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. In conclusion,
governemtns
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 will all benefit from helping
animals
, for the bigger
picuture
Correct your spelling
picture
,
governments
 should put more effort into saving them.
Submitted by shirley772023 on

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language accuracy
Ensure your essay is carefully proofread to correct spelling errors (e.g., "expention" should be "expansion", "scanctrury" should be "sanctuary"). This will make your arguments more persuasive and clearer to the reader.
development
Develop your arguments further with more specific examples. While you provided a good example with the kiwi bird in New Zealand, adding more examples or evidence could strengthen your essay.
style
Work on varying your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing. You've made a good start, but greater variety in sentence construction can improve readability and engagement.
topic relevance
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a clear stance on the importance of protecting animals.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and help frame your argument effectively. Well done on structuring your essay to guide the reader through your points.
use of examples
You've used relevant examples, like the kiwi bird in New Zealand, which help to concretely illustrate your points. This is a good approach to making your arguments more compelling.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecological balance
  • Ecosystem services
  • Genetic diversity
  • Tourism
  • Economic growth
  • Awareness
  • Education
  • Regulations
  • Conservation
  • Initiatives
  • Collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: