The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
In
western
countries, the rate of overweight Capitalize word
Western
children
surged by nearly 20% in the last
ten years. In this
essay, I would
discuss the causes and consequences of Wrong verb form
will
this
awful surge.
One of the possible cause
of Fix the agreement mistake
causes
this
issue is fast food
. Fast food
provide
delicious, cheap, and easy to get meals, It's really helpful for busy or poor people. Change the verb form
provides
However
, this
kind of meal is not really healthy, because of the amount of fat and lack of nutrition. Furthermore
, a lot of this restaurant
advertise Fix the agreement mistake
these restaurants
them
as child-friendly by offering deals of a package including Correct pronoun usage
themselves
foods
and toys for kids. Fix the agreement mistake
food
Consequently
, slowly kids love to eat fast foods
. The other cause is the lack of government
regulate
the snacks and Replace the word
regulation
foods
for kids. In Singapore, the government
regulate the
Correct article usage
apply
food
and beverages by the
nutritional value Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
it
. The Correct pronoun usage
apply
government
, provide a nutritional grading system, if the food
is graded D or E, then
it can't be advertise
and Wrong verb form
advertised
sell
at school, Wrong verb form
sold
thus
lowering the number of unhealthy snack
consumption.
The effect of Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
this
issue is quite dangerous to the society. The surge of overweight children
would affect the health of children
and even the lifespan expectancy of future generations, if not handled correctly. Furthermore
, it may also
impact to
the economy because those future generations Change preposition
apply
unable
to work, consequence of Add a missing verb
are unable
the
unhealthy lifestyles.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
the
western society Correct article usage
apply
need
to reduce the consumption of fast Change the verb form
needs
foods
and the government
should take part to regulate
unhealthy goods for Change preposition
in regulating
children
. Furthermore
, if this
issue doesn't
handled correctly it Verb problem
is not
would
disturb Wrong verb form
will
the
health, lifespan expectancy, and even Correct article usage
apply
economy
in the future.Correct article usage
the economy
Submitted by ridhokholis9a on
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sentence variation and transitions
Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance readability and flow. For instance, complex sentences can add depth to your analysis, and transitions between paragraphs can be smoothed to ensure a more cohesive argument.
evidence expansion
Incorporate a wider range of examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. While fast food and government regulations are crucial points, discussing additional factors could provide a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
grammar and spelling
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos, such as punctuation placement and word choice, to improve overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
task response
Your essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing both causes and effects of the increasing rate of overweight children, which shows a strong understanding of the task.
coherence
You provided a logical structure that guides the reader through your argument in a clear and organized manner. The introduction sets the stage for your discussion, and the conclusion effectively wraps up your points.
examples
You make good use of specific examples, such as fast food marketing and Singapore's nutritional grading system, to support your points, which enhances the argument's credibility.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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