The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

countries, the rate of overweight

children

Use synonyms

surged by nearly 20% in the

last

Linking Words

ten years. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

discuss the causes and consequences of

this

Linking Words

awful surge. One of the possible

cause

Fix the agreement mistake

causes

show examples

this

Linking Words

issue is fast

food

Use synonyms

. Fast

food

Use synonyms

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

delicious, cheap, and easy to get meals, It's really helpful for busy or poor people.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

kind of meal is not really healthy, because of the amount of fat and lack of nutrition.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a lot of

Linking Words

this restaurant

Fix the agreement mistake

these restaurants

show examples

advertise

them

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

as child-friendly by offering deals of a package including

Use synonyms

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

and toys for kids.

Consequently

Linking Words

, slowly kids love to eat fast

foods

Use synonyms

. The other cause is the lack of

government

Use synonyms

regulate

Replace the word

regulation

show examples

the snacks and

foods

Use synonyms

for kids. In Singapore, the

government

Use synonyms

regulate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

food

Use synonyms

and beverages by

the

Change the word

their

show examples

nutritional value

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. The

government

Use synonyms

, provide a nutritional grading system, if the

food

Use synonyms

is graded D or E,

then

Linking Words

it can't be

advertise

Wrong verb form

advertised

show examples

and

sell

Wrong verb form

sold

show examples

at school,

thus

Linking Words

lowering the number of unhealthy

snack

Fix the agreement mistake

snacks

show examples

consumption. The effect of

this

Linking Words

issue is quite dangerous to the society. The surge of overweight

children

Use synonyms

would affect the health of

children

Use synonyms

and even the lifespan expectancy of future generations, if not handled correctly.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it may

also

Linking Words

impact

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the economy because those future generations

unable

Add a missing verb

are unable

show examples

to work, consequence of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy lifestyles. In conclusion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

western society

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to reduce the consumption of fast

foods

Use synonyms

and the

government

Use synonyms

should take part

to regulate

Change preposition

in regulating

show examples

unhealthy goods for

children

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, if

this

Linking Words

issue

doesn't

Verb problem

is not

show examples

handled correctly it

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

disturb

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health, lifespan expectancy, and even

economy

Correct article usage

the economy

show examples

in the future.

ridhokholis9aSun Apr 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

sentence variation and transitions

Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance readability and flow. For instance, complex sentences can add depth to your analysis, and transitions between paragraphs can be smoothed to ensure a more cohesive argument.

evidence expansion

Incorporate a wider range of examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. While fast food and government regulations are crucial points, discussing additional factors could provide a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.

grammar and spelling

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos, such as punctuation placement and word choice, to improve overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

task response

Your essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing both causes and effects of the increasing rate of overweight children, which shows a strong understanding of the task.

coherence

You provided a logical structure that guides the reader through your argument in a clear and organized manner. The introduction sets the stage for your discussion, and the conclusion effectively wraps up your points.

examples

You make good use of specific examples, such as fast food marketing and Singapore's nutritional grading system, to support your points, which enhances the argument's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Proliferation
Sedentary lifestyle
Processed foods
Socioeconomic factors
Childhood obesity
Obesity-related conditions
Stigmatization
Fast food culture
Physical activity
Home-cooked meals
Healthcare system
Psychological problems
Diabetes
Heart disease

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In recent years, some university students have argued that they should learn more about other subjects besides their main studies. Others think that it is only essential to give all their time and concentrate on their studies to get a qualification. Although studying to get a qualification is very difficult and requires time and effort, I believe that it is important for university students to learn more about other subjects because it is beneficial for their future.
7
band
Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation?
The distinctions of income which would cause problems between the rich and poor are rising in most countries. This essay will concentrate on the problem that started from the pay gap at first. After that, the discussion going to look forward to several ways to solve them.
7
band
You are planning a holiday to Australia. You have been given the name and address of a hotel in the centre of Sydney and would like further information. Write a letter to the hotel. Ask about the availability of the rooms and the hotel's facilities. Find out if the hotel arranges day trips and ask them to send you a brochure. You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write your own address. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir/Madam,
I hope you are doing well, I always choose your hotel to stay in whenever I plan for my holidays. For this time, I am here to know more about the availability of the rooms from the 26th of September to the 15th of October in your hotel.
6.5
band
A person's worth seems to be judge by appearance and social status more than traditional values of kindness, trust and honour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly argued that an individual's worth and dignity are degrading due to societal stereotypes and judgement along with material possessions, taking over the traditional values of true beauty. Personally, I strongly agree with this view for a variety of reasons.
6.5
band
A friend you made while you were studying abroad would like to spend a semester studying in your country. He/she has written to ask for your advice.Write a letter to this friend. In your letter•describe why you think he/she will enjoy it•explain why you recommend studying at your university•give some advice about how to applyWrite at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ____________,
I am really excited to hear that you are coming to the UK for further studies and would be happy to help with your questions.

The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Fully explain your ideas

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation?

A person's worth seems to be judge by appearance and social status more than traditional values of kindness, trust and honour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?