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Band 5.5

Life in many cities around the world is becoming so expensive that one day only rich people will be able to live there. What are the causes of this situation? What measures could be taken to solve the problem?

#life #cities #world #people #situation #measures
In recent days, many
people
 have claimed that expenditure for living in
cities
 is becoming more and more expensive
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 it is going to be a place only for rich residents in the future. In
this
 essay, I will demonstrate what causes of
this
 phenomenon before presenting some solutions to alleviate
for
Change preposition
apply
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this
 situation. In fact, there are some major reasons to explain
this
 situation.
Firstly
, in the past,
people
 were not exposed to modern technology,
therefore
, expenditures for living in
cities
 were not an important thing that
people
 needed to be concerned about.
In contrast
, as life has improved and the emergence of technological advancements,
people
 are now more concerned about their health, and their demands are
also
 improving.
As a result
,
people
 are spending more money on technological devices that can help them facilitate their lives better
such
 as smartphones, robots,...... And that has led to an increase in living expenditure in
cities
 Despite some aforementioned causes, there are some
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 that could be taken to solve
this
 problem.
To begin
 with, the government should encourage local
people
 to migrate to rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 by providing the same facilities as in the
cities
 life.
Also
, some industries should be welcomed to create more job opportunities for residents in the future. In conclusion, it is certain that
cities
 are becoming well-liked, meanwhile, getting expensive day by day, though, the situation can be controlled by the efforts of the government.
Submitted by lamdactuanga on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction provides a good setup for the discussion. However, remember to directly address both parts of the question in the conclusion for a more rounded finish.
Task Achievement
Offer more specific examples or data to support your points. This will enhance the relevance and depth of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly by dedicating individual paragraphs to specific causes and measures. This will make your essay more coherent and easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to better connect your ideas and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You successfully identified and discussed the main theme of the essay, showcasing an understanding of the task at hand.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of an introductory and concluding paragraph to frame your essay.
Task Achievement
You effectively cover a range of points related to the causes and potential measures to address the problem, giving your essay depth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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