It is important for cities and towns to have large outdoor public spaces such as parks. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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The discourse on whether outdoor public venues like parks should be extended to
areas
of cities or towns has become increasingly contentious. Despite some critics asserting some potential drawbacks regarding its potential economic burdens, I vehemently agree with the claim of expanding outdoor spaces, as it is essential for augmenting the
overall
well-being of individuals and promulgating social harmony on a social basis. Admittedly, some opponents of promoting enlarged outdoor
areas
contend that these excessive investments might contribute to financial deficits on a governmental basis. When the majority of revenue is spent on expanding venues without thorough planning, it would precipitate the misallocation of financial resources and budget overruns, resulting in delayed project completion, which may not only fail to achieve its initial purpose but
also
contribute to revenue disruption in the long run.
However
, the above potentially detrimental consequences can be offset by enacting bespoke plans and personalized precautions by local administrators, as is exemplified by disseminating tons of surveys in advance to investigate local people about the optimized arrangements of public
areas
they approve of, thereby satisfying their realistic needs and reduce the unnecessary financial costs.
Additionally
, I believe that propelling outdoor venue expansion both in cities and remote
areas
is beneficial to not only the
overall
well-being of individuals both mentally and physically but
also
societal integration. Traditionally, limited open
areas
for the general public restrict them from enough physical exercise, leading to honed sedentary lifestyles and chronic diseases.
In contrast
, funding for enlarged recreational
areas
can dramatically ameliorate the above issues. In return, as
such
measures are imposed, local inhabitants can utilize the venue to broaden their social network and to obtain more societal exposure through engaging in more spacious
areas
with multi-purpose recreational infrastructures, which can precipitate them to release their commuting stress and defer sedentary-related diseases.
Similarly
,
this
enforcement can
also
make local people instil moral values through the educational campaigns which are held in the enlarged
areas
.
For instance
, the large open venue enables them to immerse themselves in cultural diversity performances, particularly as in the city of London, Victoria Park has held
such
theme activities annually. Those efforts focus on building trust and acknowledgement among diverse groups, contributing to improving community cohesion. In summation, combining a tailed practical approach with stimulating recreational activities by enlarging public spaces can greatly shape physical and mental health,
as well as
boost social cohesion of community demographics.
Hence
, a balanced approach that integrates both can provide the most comprehensive benefits, ensuring better-optimized living standards and a healthy society.
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task achievement
While the essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, it can occasionally be verbose and slightly repetitive. Try to express ideas more succinctly to enhance readability.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are varied and directly aligned with the argument being presented. You used a good example with Victoria Park, but adding a broader range of examples could further strengthen the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured and cohesive, transition phrases between some paragraphs can be more fluid to maintain a natural flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is evident throughout the essay, contributing to its coherence.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic and relevant issues.
task achievement
The response to the task is complete, addressing the prompt comprehensively.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, especially the one concerning Victoria Park in London, adds credibility to the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • green spaces
  • mental health
  • physical activity
  • community engagement
  • cultural activities
  • sense of community
  • environmental impact
  • air quality
  • habitats for wildlife
  • biodiversity
  • economic benefits
  • local economies
  • tourists
  • investment
  • aesthetic value
  • visual appeal
  • quality of life
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