Some people think that with the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
communication
technology has remarkably advanced in the past few decades. With more people
tend to use their mobile phone
and Fix the agreement mistake
phones
computers
. Whether it will lose face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
face
communication
skills or not, which becomes a hot controversy. Meanwhile, I disagree with the statement.
Mobile phones
and computers
let time as well as
distance no longer be barriers for
talking. Change preposition
to
People
are easy to talk with others
nowadays. They are able to share their opinions via messages. Distance is longer
a barrier Rephrase
no longer
for
sharing ideas. Change preposition
to
For instance
, there are numerous people
immigrate
to other countries in Hong Kong. Correct pronoun usage
who immigrate
However
, they are not embarrassed even if they visit others
face
to face
. The reason is because
they can Replace the word
that
rely
Add the preposition
rely on
rely upon
communication
tools from
online, Change preposition
apply
share
their Correct word choice
and share
informations
without any cost Change the wording
information
pieces of information
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
refresh
relationships. Replace the word
refreshing
Therefore
, with the aid of mobile phones
and computers
, it encourages humans to have more chances
to talk.
On the other hand
, mobile phones
and computers
have allowed more chances
for people
to know different people
. There are many applications like Omi as well as
Tinder and Coffee Meet Bagel, which allow people
to have more chances
to know more people
. They can share culture and hobby
with different users. Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
For example
, adults have limiting
ways to know more Wrong verb form
limited
people
after they enter the workplace. Meanwhile, social
network Add an article
a social
the social
which
creates possibilities for them to meet with Correct pronoun usage
apply
others
. Its
has Correct pronoun usage
It
boarden
their horizons Correct your spelling
broaden
boarded
that
makes they are more confident to talk with Correct pronoun usage
which
others
face
to face
. Thus
, with the chances
provided by mobile phones
and computer
, peoples’ Fix the agreement mistake
computers
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
face
communication
skills will become better.
In conclusion, with the aid of mobile phones
and computers
, it eliminates the barrier for
Change preposition
to
communication
and creates more chances
for people
to talk. Therefore
, with the surging use of electronic devices, people
will not lose the ability to talk Add a hyphen
face-to-face
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
face
.Submitted by oscar77734644 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction
Try to provide a clearer introduction that directly responds to the essay question, stating your position clearly from the beginning.
Coherence
Incorporate a range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence.
Examples
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your arguments, which will improve the persuasiveness of your essay.
Grammar
Review grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Paragraph Structure
Work on paragraph structure to ensure each one begins with a clear topic sentence which outlines the main idea of the paragraph.
Content
Your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, showing an understanding of both sides of the argument.
Use of Examples
You've used examples to support your arguments, which helps to clarify your points.