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Band 4.5

Write about the following topic. Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #teachers #student #exchange #school #students
It has been argued between educators whether there are advantages and disadvantages of exchange with international students.In my point of view, I strongly believe that interaction with
people
 who have come from different cultures is passionate and interesting
as well as
 beneficial.
This
 topic will be discussed in the following text.
To begin
 with,
firstly
,
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
 interaction with
people
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different cultural backgrounds expands human sight and is obvious
upon
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the world.
For example
,the most important time of teenagers' lives is spent in school when their demeanour,mindset and perspective are affected by the
people
 around them and the atmosphere which should be considered as a crucial time.
Secondly
,learning about others' cultures ignites the flame of enthusiasm, develops knowledge and strengthens pupils' adventurous spirits. Despite the benefits of exchanging with international students in some points are beneficial,some
people
 hold belief that mixing cultures is not necessary and unacceptable.
My
Change preposition
In my
show examples
 own experience, I was born and bred in Iran where parents are more restricted and the way they treat their children is completely different.
Therefore
,teachers find it difficult to educate teenagers with variant manners and personalities and they raise concerns about it. In conclusion,
although
 the the benefits of being around and interacting with different backgrounds students is outweigh than disadvantages,some teachers are not big fans of
this
 topic and they prefer to educate teenagers with the same culture.
Submitted by qazzalllee.s on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to explore both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic more thoroughly to provide a balanced view.
Language
Use a variety of sentence structures and check for grammar errors to improve clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point for better coherence.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, include more detailed examples from your own experience or observations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider rounding off your essay with a more definitive conclusion that summarizes your points and states your position clearly.
Engagement
You've positively engaged with the topic and showed clear personal positioning.
Examples
Good job on attempting to provide examples from personal experience to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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