IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

n many countries the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of this? How can we deal with those causes?

#n #countries #amount #crime
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There is an increasing trend of criminal activities in many nation-states which is attributed mainly to under-employment, illiteracy and weak judicial
system
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.To prevent these acts, the governments should provide more jobs,a quality education and strengthen the police force. The phenomenon of increasing crime
rate
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 has multiple etiologies.First of all, the under-developed nations having less number of jobs for the youth is the main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 menace.The masses not having any source of income resort to wrong-doings to feed their families.
For example
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 in Pakistan, the maximum street crimes are reported in Karachi which is the world's third most populous city but with less than fifty
percent
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per cent
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 employment
rate
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the lack of education increases
nefaroius
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nefarious
 thoughts in
the
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apply
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people's minds.In rural areas of Sindh,
the
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apply
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terror activities are on the surge
due to
Linking Words
paucity
Correct article usage
the paucity
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 of good-quality schools.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the police department's inefficiency promotes the culture of robbery.
In
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apply
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Kenya
for instance
Linking Words
, where the security apparatus is known for its corruption has the world's highest offence
rate
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, the fragile judicial
system
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 causing delays in punishments is to blame for the lawlessness.The
african
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African
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 countries are a vivid example of injustice. The remedies for the increasing criminal trend need the contribution of the governments and the masses.The executive should provide more jobs for the people.In
UK
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the UK
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, where
percentage
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the percentage
a percentage
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 of
working
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the working
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 class is more has the lowest crime
rate
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 in the world.
In addition
Linking Words
 , the parents and the administration should aim for high-quality education and better grooming of the younger lot.Well-educated communities are less prone to become
banana-republics
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banana republics
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.
Moreover
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, if countries can
devlop
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develop
corruption-free
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a corruption-free
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 police
system
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, it will greatly reduce
the
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apply
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terror incidents as many gangsters get released after bribing the
law enforcing
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law-enforcing
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 individuals.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the judicial reforms can be helpful in
this
Linking Words
 regard.Swift accountability will discourage the folks from illegal activities. In conclusion,the menace of criminal tendencies in a society which is chiefly because of growing unemployment,lack of knowledge and corrupt practices of security agencies can be curbed by
Add an article
the
show examples
creation of job opportunities, better training of forces and improvement of legal structure and the educational
system
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alishah2294 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use more variety in your sentence structures to enhance readability and flow. Including a mix of complex and compound sentences can make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Ensure to diversify your vocabulary. Using a broad range of vocabulary can improve the clarity and impact of your arguments.
task achievement
Keep focusing on developing your ideas fully. While you provided good examples, expanding on these with more detail can strengthen your arguments even further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provided a clear and logical structure, making your arguments easy to follow.
task achievement
You effectively used relevant examples to support your arguments which helped in illustrating your points clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparities
  • marginalized communities
  • criminal behavior
  • glorification
  • policing
  • judicial systems
  • impunity
  • social support programs
  • educational access
  • social inclusion
  • discrimination
  • media censorship
  • law enforcement
  • deterrent
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