In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There are many debates about whether
ageing
citizen has a negative impact on a country's administration. In my point of view, the benefits of Add an article
an ageing
this
situation overwhelm the drawbacks. This
is because it will create more work opportunities and more types of equipment will be more innovative.
First of all, there will be more chances for jobs
for people
. There will be more nursing homes will be opened and the need for human resources is significantly high. These kinds of jobs
do not require high academics and offer stable salaries so this
attracts a lot of people
. For example
, as my research on various news, these days, the increase in other countries
's residents coming to Japan, Germany as well as
others for nursing care is widely known and those people
are offered a quite good condition and welfare since these countries
cannot meet the demand of human resource for the career.
Furthermore
, more pieces of equipment will be invented depending on the rising need. Retired people
will get a really comfortable life such
as massage products comfort them all day, and easy toilet facilities,...Moreover
, these inventions also
bring profits for the country when their products are exported to other countries
. For instance
, Japan has always renowned
as a country with a high ageing rate so Japanese Add a missing verb
been renowned
people
create many items to improve elder life standards and make their lives more convenient. Their items become extremely popular around the world and are sold for numerous religions across continents.
To conclude
, even this
situation leads to some problems such
as the lack of employees and the policy of retirement in some countries
was changed to last
longer .However
, I still believe that in case society has more elderly people
, it will not bring limitations to governments since it creates jobs
for thousands of people
in not only those countries
but also
others that do not have enough jobs
for citizens and technology is more growing up.Submitted by trangtrnh548 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and sophistication in your essay.
Task Achievement
Provide a wider range of examples and evidence to support your arguments. Though your examples are good, more varied examples could strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
Consider more carefully the structure of your essay, ensuring a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion.
General
Be attentive to minor grammatical errors and typos, which can distract from your overall argument.
Positive Argumentation
You effectively highlighted how an aging population can lead to job creation and technological innovation, which are positive aspects of an ageing society.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that reiterates your stance.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...