In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

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There are many debates about whether

ageing

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an ageing

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citizen has a negative impact on a country's administration. In my point of view, the benefits of

this

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situation overwhelm the drawbacks.

This

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is because it will create more work opportunities and more types of equipment will be more innovative. First of all, there will be more chances for

jobs

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for

people

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. There will be more nursing homes will be opened and the need for human resources is significantly high. These kinds of

jobs

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do not require high academics and offer stable salaries so

this

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attracts a lot of

people

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For example

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, as my research on various news, these days, the increase in other

countries

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's residents coming to Japan, Germany

as well as

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others for nursing care is widely known and those

people

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are offered a quite good condition and welfare since these

countries

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cannot meet the demand of human resource for the career.

Furthermore

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, more pieces of equipment will be invented depending on the rising need. Retired

people

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will get a really comfortable life

such

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as massage products comfort them all day, and easy toilet facilities,...

Moreover

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, these inventions

also

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bring profits for the country when their products are exported to other

countries

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For instance

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, Japan has always

renowned

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been renowned

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as a country with a high ageing rate so Japanese

people

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create many items to improve elder life standards and make their lives more convenient. Their items become extremely popular around the world and are sold for numerous religions across continents.

To conclude

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, even

this

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situation leads to some problems

such

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as the lack of employees and the policy of retirement in some

countries

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was changed to

last

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longer .

However

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, I still believe that in case society has more elderly

people

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, it will not bring limitations to governments since it creates

jobs

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for thousands of

people

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in not only those

countries

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but

also

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others that do not have enough

jobs

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for citizens and technology is more growing up.

Submitted by trangtrnh548 on Sun Apr 21 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Try to diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and sophistication in your essay.

Task Achievement

Provide a wider range of examples and evidence to support your arguments. Though your examples are good, more varied examples could strengthen your position.

Task Achievement

Consider more carefully the structure of your essay, ensuring a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion.

General

Be attentive to minor grammatical errors and typos, which can distract from your overall argument.

Positive Argumentation

You effectively highlighted how an aging population can lead to job creation and technological innovation, which are positive aspects of an ageing society.

Structure

Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that reiterates your stance.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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