IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that success is the best indicator for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

#people #success #indicator #intelligence
Usually I and my family travel by own car. Because normal travelling by
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
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 or train has some restrictions. I mean you can not do
stopover
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stopovers
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 wherever and whenever you want.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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 we drive from Kirov to Anapa and during
this
voyage
Add a comma
voyage,
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 we have
stopover
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stopovers
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 in cities like Ivanovo, Volgograd,
Saratov
Correct word choice
and Saratov
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 and our
last
 destination point is
Anapa
Correct article usage
the Anapa
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 coast. We prefer self-catering
holiday
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holidays
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 and we stay on the catering at the coast. These places have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 car parking and
separated
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separate
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for tents,
also
 there are
shower
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showers
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 with
distillated
Correct your spelling
distilled
 water,
toilet
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toilets
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 and gas
stow
Correct your spelling
stoves
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 for food cooking.
Such
 type of rest can offer good value for money. It gives you
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 to come and go as you please. But
usually
Add a comma
usually,
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 people prefer holidays in a guest house or an inn with
full
Correct article usage
a full
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 board. I mean their holidays are
all inclusive
Add a hyphen
all-inclusive
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. Because when you live in a
camping
Correct your spelling
campsite
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, you need to spend yourself for cooking, transferring and etc. But anyway you can use
shuttle
Add an article
the shuttle
a shuttle
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 bus to
transfer
Verb problem
transport
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 yourself for sightseeing and other
enjoys
Replace the word
enjoyment
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.
Also
 when you control your
rest fully
Correct your spelling
restfully
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, you can not lose money for non-refundable flight tickets or probably you will need to
pat
Correct your spelling
pay
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cancellation
Correct article usage
a cancellation
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 fee. Now you cannot
to
Change the verb form
apply
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fly directly to Anapa because that air space is close,
due to
dangerous
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the danger
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from
Change preposition
of
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missile
Correct article usage
a missile
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attack
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attacks
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. I would like to visit
this
 city in the future, because I have
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 comrade there. He is
Electrical
Correct article usage
an Electrical
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 Engineer in my company. I plan to hire a car during my
visiting
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visit
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 to have unlimited
milage
Correct your spelling
mileage
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 and see each exotic place.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Task Achievement
The essay does not directly address the topic provided about success and intelligence, which significantly impacts task achievement. To improve, ensure that your essay responds directly to the question asked.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay contains a series of ideas related to personal travel experiences, but it lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. For better structure, start with an introductory paragraph that presents your main argument or opinion and end with a concluding paragraph that summarizes your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay and make your argument more cohesive.
Task Achievement
Try to clarify your main points by explicitly linking them to the essay question. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples from personal experience, which helps to illustrate your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The narrative about traveling provides a vivid description of places and experiences, engaging the reader's interest.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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