IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views

#belief #death #penalty #deterrent #crimes #life #sentence
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It is widely accepted by many that
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty is a suitable preventive action against the most terrible crimes though some state that
Correct article usage
a permanet
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permanet
Correct your spelling
permanent
 sentence is more efficient.
This
 essay will discuss both ideas and will reason why
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 justification is not a valid decision. On the one hand, some assume that whoever
commit
Change the verb form
commits
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 a deadly crime must be reimbursed
by
Change preposition
for
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 the same action. They claim
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of people are not a useful entity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and they should be eliminated from the public in order not to conduct
such
 heinous crimes again that they will do
otherwise
.
Although
 unacceptable harmful actions must be wiped out among human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
, people themselves should not be annihilated and rather must be reverted back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society with a safe attitude
afther
Correct your spelling
after
 removing those deeds and ideas from their minds. All in all, a society is capable that
brings
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 them back to the family and public with no possible harm in the future.
On the other hand
, some state that executing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 efficient method of facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abnormalities in the countries and rather they have to
sentenced
Add a missing verb
be sentenced
show examples
 forever. They suppose that even though
this
 attitude
also
 includes some strict decisions, it is more beneficial for both
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 and
culprits
Correct article usage
the culprits
show examples
. They say with
this
 action we have not damaged a family and individuals as we are not allowed to take one's freedom by nature and religion. In a nutshell,
this
 idea follows the human rights obligations and recommendations so as to provide space for future reform. In conclusion,
this
 essay discussed two different ideas regarding punishing criminals including hanging and prisoning in which the former believers confront criminals as strict as themselves and ask for revenge whilst the latter believers modify
this
 idea and give life
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 for them.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your discussion covers the topic fully. Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and references to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to include a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in connecting ideas more smoothly and enhancing overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score, work on developing each paragraph with a clear main idea supported by specific examples. This will add depth to your argument and improve clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views as the task requires, showing an attempt to provide a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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