Some people think that all children should learn about history at school. Others however, believe that other subjects are more relevant to children's lives today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

A lot of individuals argue that all kids must study ancient cultures and civilians at kindergartens.
However
, other people believe that recent materials are more practical for young students. So , is the latter view the best for children or the initial? On one hand, without any doubt, the
history
of any nation may constitute the most important part of its formation. What is more, the
history
of states is not a mere subject
,
Remove the comma
apply
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but expresses their cultures , accomplishments and even their current century.
For example
, each
states
Change to a singular noun
state
show examples
in the world have a special
day
every year and
this
day
their
Replace the word
there
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are celebrated as its national
day
a lot of developing countries
organised
Wrong verb form
organise
show examples
Autonomy
day
Capitalize word
Day
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. For
this
, the
history
of nations has to be learned by all kids .
On the other hand
, a enormous experts believe that educational institutions must be teaching only recent subjects.
In addition
, these materials may be more useful for students and
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
them for their futuristic jobs .
For instance
, these days job marketing requires excellent qualifications and soft
skills
power
such
as everyone should
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
more than one language and
also
having to be perfect with computer
skills
. For
this
, any teaching services must provide these
skills
for their students and must not waste their time on undesirable subjects in the future.
To sum up
,
although
soft
skills
power
Correct word choice
and power
show examples
are more practical and are considered the key to the success in future, but
also
the
history
of any nation is
also
very important. So, I believe that any student should study
history
to know more and more about his country and
also
about the world.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your viewpoint. This sets a solid foundation for your essay.
cohesion
Use a range of linking devices to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay has some coherence, it could benefit from phrases that more clearly connect ideas and paragraphs.
balance
When discussing opposing viewpoints, make sure to fully explore each perspective before giving your own opinion. This helps in providing a balanced argument and demonstrates a complete response to the task.
examples
Try to use specific examples to support your points. This not only makes your argument stronger but also more engaging for the reader.
vocabulary
Be mindful of using a varied and accurate range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid repetition and try to demonstrate the breadth of your language knowledge.
topic coverage
Your essay effectively addresses both views on the importance of learning history versus more contemporary subjects.
conclusion
You provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint and the arguments presented in your essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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