IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #plan #retirement #money
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In the modern world, living is getting more difficult so nowadays many
people
 are thinking of their retirement period more than in the past. I agree with
this
 opinion that saving budget for the future. On the one hand,
this
 is not a good idea for
people
 to save their incomes for the future life to live in very good conditions without any help which is their children's kindness because they always feel independent.
For example
, In Uzbekistan, many families let their children live
together with
 their parents so in retiring period they will not need any financial
support
 because Uzbek children have beliefs to
support
 their mothers and fathers until their death.
On the other hand
, in many countries there is a rule that the government get taxes from
people
's income for their pensions even if
this
 is not enough to live it makes
people
's lives easier.
According to
 scientists, old men tend to be ill
in contrast
 to youngsters, so they need
support
 which is especially money.
For instance
, in Russia more families prefer to let their daughter and son inhabit without them during retirement,
however
, without any financial
support
 they can get anything
such
 as medicine, food and clothes. In that situation, having saved money helps them to continue their life like before.
To sum up
 , saving money for retirement is an essential idea because at any age and any time mankind needs help. I completely agree above words.
Submitted by hamzayevasamina on

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Task Achievement
Try to create a balanced argument by exploring both sides of the argument evenly. Although your essay takes a clear stance, ensuring that both perspectives are considered equitably can enhance your essay’s depth.
Coherence & Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, thereby enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.
Language
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic versatility. While your essay shows good use, greater variation can emphasize your language skills more strongly.
Task Achievement
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction for your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples to support your arguments, which helps in making your points more convincing.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • peace of mind
  • comfortable living standard
  • compound interest
  • unexpected expenses
  • financial stress
  • well-funded retirement
  • government pensions
  • retirement benefits
  • cost of living
  • economic uncertainties
  • financial discipline
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