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Band 5.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
It is thought by some that more individuals will
travel
 within the country than travelling overseas in the
future
. I completely agree with
this
 statement as developments in international
travel
 and tourism industries have brought advantages and
people
 are inclined to experience different cultural innovations.
To begin
 with, the advancements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 global
travel
 and tourism industries have made travelling more
convienient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 and affordable.
In other words
, the developments of new airlines and hotels have made visiting other countries easy and cheap.
For instance
, airlines
such
 as Air Asia provide the opportunity for clients to book tickets
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hotels at reasonable rates.
As a result
,
people
 are persuaded to
travel
 for holidays to other countries as they might end up paying the same amount for a vacation in their own country. Another point to consider is the opportunity to
exploring
Change the verb
explore
show examples
 different cultures and their innovations.
This
 trend will increase in the
future
 as
people
 are curious to learn more and enhance their knowledge.
This
 is to say that with innovation occurring in developed countries, travellers will be interested in experiencing these changes.
For instance
, a study conducted by Harvard University reported that 60% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists visit Japan to explore their technology and robots.
Hence
,
it is clear that
 these trends will increase in the
future
. In conclusion,
although
 it is stated that more
people
 will opt for vacationing in their own country than going abroad, I strongly oppose
this
 as global
travel
 is becoming advantageous and will continue to do so in the
future
.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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task response
Make sure your argument aligns with the prompt. The prompt asks if you agree with more people holidaying domestically, yet the essay argues the opposite. Clarity in directly answering the question is crucial.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that your paragraph topics directly support your thesis. While the essay is structured, the main ideas sometimes diverge from directly answering the question as posed.
task achievement
Expanding on examples with more detail and how they directly support your main point will enrich your argument, making it more persuasive and relevant.
examples
Good use of examples to support your arguments, such as the Air Asia example, which helps to illustrate your points.
structure
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making your essay easy to follow.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
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