IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Write about the following topic: Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning park land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #cities #crisis #land #buildings #governments #park #development
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Some governing bodies think that land currently being occupied by
parks
Use synonyms
 would be beneficial to be used to create homes
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of houses available in cities. There are many considerations to be taken,
for instance
Linking Words
, homelessness. I believe
parks
Use synonyms
 must be preserved as much as possible,
thus
Linking Words
 the demolition of green spaces should not occur. The housing crisis in cities may be
due to
Linking Words
 a multitude of reasons from people migrating for job prospects and a good life, to be closer to family and loved ones. Whatever the reason is, there are many individuals looking for housing and
this
Linking Words
 must be satisfied.
For example
Linking Words
, London is becoming highly populated. Individuals required to move there are put on waiting lists for properties to buy or to rent. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the argument for the breakdown of Hyde Park can be considered, but it would not be viable. In a densely populated city with millions of inhabitants, there are just a handful of
parks
Use synonyms
. These
parks
Use synonyms
 serve as a getaway and a space for relaxation,
as well as
Linking Words
 an open space for social gatherings;
subsequently
Linking Words
, in most cities,
parks
Use synonyms
 hold significance to local culture. They must be conserved. Contrary to
this
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, there are other longstanding structures which can be renovated to create housing. Unused factories and office buildings can be repurposed to provide flats and apartments for those waiting for housing.
This
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 can
also
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 be applied to old derelict houses and schools. Either way, there are many buildings which can contribute to the creation of abodes. In my opinion, there are many avenues to consider before reassigning
parks
Use synonyms
 for housing - it would be beneficial to undertake these possibilities before demolishing the only thing that can benefit people and the environment.
Submitted by Mangalakumaran.sangeetha on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, you could provide more detailed examples and might want to discuss potential negative impacts of reassigning park land, such as environmental consequences or social implications.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured overall, improving coherence and cohesion can be done by using more linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
language
Be cautious about smaller language errors that might slightly detract from the overall quality of the piece, such as "there are many individuals looking for housing and this must be satisfied." This could be more clearly expressed as "there is a high demand for housing that must be met."
task achievement
Your argument is clear and insightful, particularly in stating that parks serve multiple essential functions and should be preserved.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your main points, and a conclusion. This shows good logical structure.
task achievement
You effectively present alternative solutions, such as renovating old buildings, which strengthens your argument against reassigning park lands for housing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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