IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
When they finish
school
, teenagers face the dilemma of whether to get a
job
 or continue their education.
While
 there are some benefits to getting a
job
 straight after
school
, I would argue that it is better to go to college or university. The option to start work straight after
school
 is attractive for several reasons. Many young people want to start earning money as soon as possible. In
this
 way, they can become independent, and they will be able to afford their own house or start a family. In terms of their career, young people who decide to find work, rather than continue their studies, may progress more quickly. They will have the chance to gain real experience and learn practical skills related to their chosen profession.
This
 may lead to promotions and a successful career.
On the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies.
Firstly
, academic qualifications are required in many professions.
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having the relevant degree.
As a result
, university graduates have access to more and better
job
 opportunities, and they tend to earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications.
Secondly
, the
job
 market is becoming increasingly competitive, and sometimes there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a company. Young people who do not have qualifications from a university or college will not be able to compete. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they continue their studies beyond
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 level.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
While your essay effectively discusses both views and your opinion, integrating more specific examples to support points would enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider adding more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve flow and readability.
Introduction
Your essay effectively introduces the debate and provides a clear thesis statement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of logical structure, making your argument easy to follow.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: