IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

the chart below gives information about the amount of time children spend with their parents.

the chart below gives information about the amount of time children spend with their parents.
#information #amount #time #children #parents
The chart delineates the comparison of
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
time
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 with their parents during weekdays and weekends across
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
Overall
,
kids
 spend
time
 with their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 between 8-10
hours
 per day. During weekdays, children
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly spend their
time
 with their Mom.
On the other hand
, during
weekend
Add an article
the weekend
show examples
, more
time
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 with both
parent
Change to a plural noun
parents
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the weekdays,
Change preposition
on averagely
show examples
averagely
Change the word
average
show examples
kids
 across
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 spend at least 5
hours
 a day with their
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
. Second to that, they tend to spend their
time
 with both parents with the peak at
age
 8-9 Years old.
However
, at the
age
 of 4-5,
kids
 tend to spend their
time
 with Dad after their mom.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the weekends, more
time
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 with both
parent
Change to a plural noun
parents
show examples
 for more than 5
hours
 a day across
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
Menawhile
Correct your spelling
Meanwhile
, less
time
 were
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 with
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
averagely
Change the word
average
show examples
less
Change preposition
of less
show examples
 than 4
hours
 across
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
Time
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 with dad is showing gradual growth as the
kids
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a growing but started to
slowing
Change the verb
slow
show examples
 down when the
kids
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 6 years old
Submitted by rizkyy.utama22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, age, kids, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: