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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Each and every country invests a certain amount of
money
 in
research
 these days, as there is a competition
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 inventing something new, so, that they can have an advantage over the other nations.
Research
 conducted in science, business and academics is always considered the most important and critical one.
This
 is the reason some believe that it should not be shared with everyone,
whereas
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 cohort believes that it will be a great help if
such
 information is shared without any conditions. I will discuss both views and will give my opinion about why
such
 information should not be shared.
To begin
 with, people who believe that
such
 important data should not be shared feel that it may be a threat to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 region where it was conducted.
For instance
, if a
county
Correct your spelling
country
show examples
 shares details about its
research
 related to making weapons like nuclear bombs,
then
 it will be a threat as anyone can make
such
weapon
Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
show examples
.
Along with
this
,
such
research
 needs a lot of finances involved, and a nation will not be able to earn anything back if
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 shared freely.
For example
,
covid
Correct your spelling
the
 vaccine involved a lot of
money
 and effort and once it was made the companies sold it
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a good price and got the invested
money
 back.
On the contrary
, if
such
 valuable data is shared freely,
then
 all the countries will not have to spend their financial resources on
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
research
 as it would be wasteful.
This
 will be a great aid to third world countries as that
money
 can be invested in some other important areas.
For example
, India is a developing country with a high population rate, if the important content is shared by other developed countries like America and Australia,
then
 India can invest that valuable asset
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other aspects like infrastructure.
However
, it is not fair
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the person or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
group who has conducted the
research
 because it involves a lot of hard work and dedication
for inventing
Change preposition
to invent
show examples
 a new thing.
This
 is one of the main reasons that I believe information should not be shared freely. The gist of the matter is that despite having lots of benefits of sharing details of a
research
, it should not be shared freely because the negative aspects of
such
 sharing cannot be snubbed as it will be a threat
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 a blessing for researchers and a nation where the
research
 was conducted.
Submitted by kiran.deep24 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay is balanced by discussing both sides of the argument equally before providing your own opinion. This will enhance your task response score.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to more clearly connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Enhance your essay by incorporating more specific examples to support your points. Real-world cases and statistics can add depth to your argument.
Language
Readers appreciate variety in language. Try to incorporate a broader vocabulary and avoid repetition of words for a more engaging read.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done an excellent job structuring your essay with a clear introduction, discussion of both views, and your own opinion in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both views on the issue and providing your own perspective, which is crucial for task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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