IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries have introduced a law to limit working hours for employees. Why is this law introduced? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, the rule that limits employees to work has appeared because of the risks of overworking. I firmly believe that
this
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 is beneficial development since
this
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 increases
health
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 rates and mitigates demographic problems in many countries. First of all, a significant number of workers prefer to do overtime jobs in order to earn more money
while
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 worsening their
health
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.
Hence
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, the regulation that does not allow
people
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 to spend additional hours in the office positively affects
human's
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human
show examples
 mental and physical
health
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 by providing additional free time jobs.
For example
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, in Japan, there is a new profession
that is
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 aimed
to send
Change preposition
at sending
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people
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 to their homes after a shift to deal with overworking and
health
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 problems in the country.
Additionally
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, in recent years because of the creation of
this
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 job, fewer
people
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 suffered from burnout and obesity.
Moreover
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,
this
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 law is an effective way to solve demographic issues in developed countries because individuals prefer to achieve high salaries
instead
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 of making a family, which is why the birth rate has a decreasing rate in these nations. To illustrate,
according to
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 a recent study, the birth rate in Japan in 2024 decreased not as significantly as in 2019, so on average
instead
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 of only one child per family five years ago, and now there are two.
Therefore
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, a working limit is one of the best ways to give
people
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 the freedom to create families.
To conclude
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, the introduction of the law that restricts
people
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 from overworking is an effective method to tackle demographic problems around the world by encouraging citizens to make families.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 helps individuals to find enough space to be concerned about their
health
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on why and how overworking impacts health, such as specific mental or physical consequences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and concise conclusion that encapsulates all main points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your points are well-supported with relevant examples, like the case of Japan.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • well-being
  • fatigue
  • stress
  • mental health
  • innovation
  • leisure industry
  • economic impact
  • labor costs
  • competitiveness
  • workforce
  • part-time workers
  • shift workers
  • sectors
  • cultural shift
  • personal time
  • global impact
  • standardizing
  • employee well-being
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