IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Infrastructure is the backbone of every country's economy, and public shipping is one of them. In some countries, the populace prefers to have faster
railway
 transportation so they can commute easily between cities
whereas
, some are in favour of just improving the existing one. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
bith
Correct your spelling
both
 sides and give reasons for my opinion which is spending more capital on the current public transit. The youngsters prefer to move to other cities just in search of better job opportunities and a better future. So, they want to have better transportation which can make life easy to move around their hometown and cities.
For instance
, young people like to travel for work and on weekends they prefer to see their families, if a country has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
railway
 transport
then
 it becomes easy for working people to commute.
On the contrary
, there is a group of people who believe that constructing more
railway
 lines will be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government revenue and even if half of
this
 capital is used to make the present public transport better that will save a huge chunk of money for the provincial which can be used on another important aspect that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be improved like housing. And I agree completely with
this
 statement as it will be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 investment if new
railway
 tracks are built but it will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 money if just improved. The gist of the matter is that public transport is an integral part of every country and it should be improved from time to time
as
Change preposition
according to
show examples
 the preferences of the citizens. Improvement will cost less than building the new ones.
Submitted by kiran.deep24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument. To further enhance your scores, consider adding more varied sentence structures and transitions to seamlessly connect your ideas.
task achievement
Your argumentation is well-developed, but incorporating more specific examples and data could strengthen your essay's persuasiveness and depth. Aim to include detailed examples or statistics to support your points.
task achievement
You've effectively discussed both viewpoints before stating your own opinion, which makes your argument well-balanced and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow, with a clear differentiation between paragraphs dedicated to different views and your own position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: