Media is increasing in famous people who have ordinary background. Why do you think people interest in lives of famous people? Do you think this is a good why?
There is an increasing amount of media attention on
celebrity
with normal Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
background
and the public shows interest in their daily Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
living
. I believe that Replace the word
lives
this
is not good as even tho people
choose to be famous, they should not be forced to expose their lives and some people
tend to spend a lot of money to live like their favourite celebrity.
Some individuals become famous through various platforms whether due to
involvement in sports, entertainments
, or creative content over Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
the
social media platforms, and they probably Correct article usage
apply
have
normal family and daily Wrong verb form
had
routine
before they Fix the agreement mistake
routines
become
well-known to the world. These Wrong verb form
became
people
might not be ready with
extreme scrutiny by citizens and not willing to expose their privacy to the world, which will cause unnecessary stress to them. In Korea, there was a case of suicide by an idol named Sulli who probably felt Change preposition
for
overwhelm
Change the verb form
overwhelmed
with
the extreme pressure Change preposition
by
by
the Korean Change preposition
apply
netizen
over her mistakes in life and still Fix the agreement mistake
netizens
serve
as one of Correct subject-verb agreement
serves
the
example Correct article usage
an
on
how Change preposition
of
breach
Add an article
a breach
in
one's privacy is not good.
Change preposition
of
In addition
, even though the comunity
might feel that Correct your spelling
community
lives
of celebrities with ordinary Correct article usage
the lives
background
are more relatable to them, they might feel the urge to copy their lifestyles and Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
willing
to go beyond to imitate their idol. Add a missing verb
be willing
Such
behaviour often leads to unnecessary spending to buy expensive products and to attain the same priviledges
as the Correct your spelling
privileges
people
they adore. It can be seen especially in teenagers and young adults who invested
their money Wrong verb form
invest
on
Change preposition
in
latest
technology, expensive Add an article
the latest
make ups
and luxury items despite earning just enough for their basic expenses.
In Add a hyphen
make-ups
conlucion
, many Correct your spelling
conclusion
people
have interest
in the lives of Correct article usage
an interest
the
famous Correct article usage
apply
people
who come from normal background
because they feel connected but it has Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
impacts
on the celebrities as they have no privacy and might cause their followers to spend money on unnecessary items.Fix the agreement mistake
impact
Submitted by shaz.777 on
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Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the questions asked in the prompt. Your introduction should briefly explain why the interest exists and if it's beneficial or not, directly answering both parts of the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively but be cautious of overuse or incorrect use which can confuse readers. Transition sentences can help improve the flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Although you've integrated an example, expanding on more varied examples or evidences would strengthen your argument and directly tie back to your claim, enhancing your essay's impact.
Task Achievement
To improve on clear, comprehensive ideas, try to unfold your thoughts more explicitly. Ensure each paragraph clearly presents a single main idea with supporting statements that elaborate or exemplify your point.
Task Achievement
Provided a relevant example to support your argument, enhancing credibility and illustrating your point effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and the key points discussed, providing a clear stance in response to the question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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