Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #people #groups #country

Whith

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With

the growth of population, the number of multicultural

societies

are

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increasing dramatically all around the world.

Societies

that

people

who are from different nations

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are

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belived

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believed

to be more beneficial. I completely disagree with

this

statment

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statement

multicultucultural

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multicultural

societies

cause not

olnly

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only

cultural

demage

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damage

but

Add an article

the economical

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economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

issue

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issues

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as well. First of all, multicultural

societies

led to

Verb problem

apply

show examples

demage

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damage

damaged

nation's

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nations'

show examples

cultures since the

people

who

has

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have

show examples

different cultures bring their own

culutres

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cultures

culture

with them and naturally they tend to live their own cultures.

For example

, let's dive into Syrian

migrant

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migrants

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and

immigrant

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immigrants

show examples

who live in Turkey. With the difference

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between

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Arab and

Turk's

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Turk

show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

culture

Add a comma

culture,

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Syrian

people

struggled to

addapt

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adapt

long time and it was one of the root

factor

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factors

show examples

attacking

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apply

show examples

Turkish culture.

As a result

, multicultural

societies

has

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have

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drawbacks to a country in terms of culture destroying in

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apply

show examples

several ways.

Secondly

while

countries face cultural problems, they might experience economic problems too because of multicultural

societies

. It is because

people

want to work with

the

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apply

show examples

others who look like themselves.

And it

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might categorize

people

and

leds

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lead

occur

Verb problem

apply

show examples

economic lobbies in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

long term. Undoubtedly, it

casue

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causes

not to

people

work for

same

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the same

show examples

goal

wihch

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which

country's

Correct article usage

the country's

show examples

economical

Replace the word

economic

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growth. In conclusion, multicultural

societies

threaten countries with regard to economically.

Finally

this

essay entirely

claim

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claims

show examples

why multicultural

societies

bring

Verb problem

have

show examples

negative effects

for

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show examples

countries with cultural and economic reasons in real life.

Submitted by k26840q on Mon Apr 22 2024

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Structure

Keep working on the clarity and coherence of your essay structure. A clear introduction stating your position, followed by logically ordered paragraphs for each main point, and a concluding paragraph summarizing your stance can enhance coherence.

Examples

Focus on providing specific examples to support each of your main points. This adds strength to your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Accuracy

Attention to detail is crucial. Small inaccuracies and typographical errors can undermine the overall impression of your essay. Consider revising your work or utilizing tools to check spelling and grammar.

Conclusion

Your conclusion could be more effective. It's important to restate your thesis and main points briefly, ensuring the reader is left with a clear understanding of your stance on the subject.

Task Response

You engage with the topic directly and express a clear position, which is good for task response.

Coherence

You have attempted to create a logical flow of ideas, which is a positive aspect of essay writing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

232 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people believe that exams are an inappropriate way of measuring student’s performance and should be replaced by continuous assessments. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, whileothers require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of each system? Which is better?

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduces the ammount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is increasingly popular to have year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In over to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviors. Do you agree or disagree.