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Writing Samples
Band 3

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.
#indicators #four #countries #nations #statistics #information
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This
Linking Words
 table
is defining
Wrong verb form
defines
show examples
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 and economic indexes of
countries
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
Canada
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,
Japan
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,
Peru
Use synonyms
 and
Zaire
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 table, the first row
is trying
Wrong verb form
tries
show examples
 to compare
annual
Correct article usage
the annual
show examples
 average
income
Use synonyms
 in these 4
countries
Use synonyms
 which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been
showed
Change the verb form
showing
shown
show examples
 in USD. It shows that the highest annual
income
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belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and naturally
this
Linking Words
 higher salary will bring
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
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among
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these
countries
Use synonyms
. The second highest
income
Use synonyms
 belongs to
Canada
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 which is lower than
Japan
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 but still much higher than 2 other
countries
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. Unfortunately
due to
Linking Words
 economic issues in
countries
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such
Linking Words
 as
Peru
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 and
Zaire
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, the amount of annual salary in USD is much lower than 1
month
Change noun form
month's
show examples
income
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 of
people
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 in
Japan
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 and
Canada
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.
Due to
Linking Words
 better
quality
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 of
life
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 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
, they have longer
life
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 expectancy rather than
Peru
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 and
Zaire
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. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 lower
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy in
2
Correct article usage
the 2
show examples
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on other factors like weather
quality
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, food
quallity
Correct your spelling
quality
 and level of stress. Among the 4
countries
Use synonyms
, Canadian
people
Use synonyms
 are receiving the
hight
Correct your spelling
highest
show examples
 amount of
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
show examples
 per day.
Japan
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 has
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 daily calories after
Canada
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 and the lowest rate belongs to
Zaire
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. Unlike
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 rate of adult literacy in
Zaire
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 and
Peru
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, the rate in
Canada
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 and
Japan
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 is almost 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. It's interesting that both
countries
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 have only 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 illiterate
people
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
According to
Linking Words
 the above comparison, we can find out that
Japan
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 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 are among developed
countries
Use synonyms
 in the world and that's why the
quality
Use synonyms
 of social and economic are high and acceptable.
This
Linking Words
 comparison
also
Linking Words
 shows that 2 other
countries
Use synonyms
 are among undeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they have lower
quality
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by maryamnikfekr on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, canada, japan, peru, zaire, income, people, quality, life with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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