IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level.However,some say that individuals should pay for their university education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #education #level #say #individuals #university
Many people believe that our government should facilitate free education at every stage of study but
on
Change preposition
at
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 the same time, other
thinks
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think
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 we must pay
our
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for our
show examples
 higher
studies
 finance by himself.
However
,in some cases, it is possible when you have
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 and
well established
Add a hyphen
well-established
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 family background which pays our university
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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 but in my opinion, the government must take responsibility by giving free of cost education.
Firstly
, funding
studies
 from the government
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help all the communities to
enroll
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enrol
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 in that programmes which trigger their interest.
Therefore
, people choose their degrees without fear of financial pressure and they will just focus on their goals
achieving
Verb problem
apply
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instead
 of managing their funds. Another benefit of
this
, it will demolish
disparity
Correct article usage
the disparity
show examples
 between rich and poor students to study in a different
envirment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
As a result
, the real purpose of education
fulfills
Wrong verb form
fulfil
show examples
 and
imposes
Correct subject-verb agreement
impose
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a healthy lifestyles
Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthy lifestyle
healthy lifestyles
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 among the people to cater
all
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to all
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 the problems in a society like poverty, equality and racism.
Secondly
, if students or their parents have to manage
Add an article
the expense
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expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 of
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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then
 it will
depends
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depend
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 on their
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 circumstances to decide which university or
whick
Correct your spelling
which
 kind of degree they have to study.
For instance
, they must
sacrifices
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sacrifice
show examples
 their dreams
due to
 lack of funds.
Due to
this
 particular reason, many students who do not belong to
wealthy
Add an article
a wealthy
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 family, they will not get the chance to continue their
studies
 and
then
 they will have to work
on
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in
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 local shops and do odd jobs to feed their household members rather than
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
.
To conclude
, our educational authorities must think
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 that perspective and take measures to do something for the well-being of the
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
. I believe that it is difficult for the lower middle class to deal with
these issue
Change the determiner
this issue
these issues
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,
although
 the upper class will take
this
 opportunity
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 they have affordability to
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
.
Submitted by ahmadarch007 on

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structure
Your essay provides a clear viewpoint and discusses both sides, which is great. To enhance, strive for a more structured approach to organizing your paragraphs. Each should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea you'll discuss.
cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases for smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. While you have achieved this to some extent, there's room for improvement to create a more cohesive and coherent flow.
content
For task achievement, aim to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments better. This will help make your points more persuasive and comprehensible.
grammar
Watch out for occasional grammatical errors and typos. These don't majorly detract from understanding but polishing these will improve the professionalism and clarity of your writing.
introduction/conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overview of the essay's direction, which is excellent.
task response
You have effectively addressed both views as the prompt requested, showing an understanding of the task.
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