Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals claim that in order to avoid sickness and conditions, authorities must concentrate
reducing
habitat pollution and housing issues. Personally, I partly agree with Change preposition
on reducing
this
suggestion based on some major reasons that are explained in this
essay.
First and foremost, there are some persuasive rationales that support the claim that the
governments should solve Correct article usage
apply
this
problem about
Change preposition
of
sickness
of Add an article
the sickness
people
's health. In this
day and age, due to
the increasing of vehicles
in urban areas, the atmosphere of these areas has been polluted seriously by the carbon footprint level. Furthermore
, it's increasing significantly for the number of individuals who suffer from illnesses related to lung and cardiovascular disease. This
would result in their inability to contribute their workforce to our country. This
led to this
nation's failure to develop efficiently. If the government can avoid these environmental problems, boost economic development and transform the quality of living of the whole population.
On the other hand
, despite the idealistic nature of reducing vehicles
nowadays, it actually leads to some disadvantages in people
's lives. If the governments can cut down the number of transportation, residents may choose public transport to replace their own , it make
the stations in the whole world crowded and busy. Change the verb form
makes
Moreover
, people
might be not punctual and inconvenient. As a result
, governments need to encourage individuals to use non-gasoline vehicles
such
as cars that run electric.
In conclusion, although
there are mixed options on determining whether the effect of emissions from vehicles
should be reduced by people
's awareness, I think that the government still need to support them in using non-pollution transport. Whilst, the problems for people
's health should receive the attention.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more specific examples and evidence to make your points more persuasive and comprehensive. Relating real-world instances or data can bolster your argument significantly.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow within paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph elaborates on one central idea and leads the reader clearly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. This helps in clearly framing your perspective and reinforcing your argument at the end.
task achievement
The response addresses the task fairly well, discussing both environmental pollution and housing problems in relation to illnesses, which shows a good understanding of the topic.