IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 leads to the erosion of traditions. It might be true in some societies,
however
Linking Words
, other societies seem to be not affected by
technology
Use synonyms
 or the modern
world
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
technology
Use synonyms
 which industrialises Western countries definitely causes the disappearance of traditional lifestyles.
For example
Linking Words
, in the pre-industrialised United Kingdom, families in generations grew in
communities
Use synonyms
 of the same villages. These
communities
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 common religion and customs, had strong self-commitments in identity.
However
Linking Words
, the development of transportation, communication, and manufacturing led to the dispread of those families and countryside
communities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, residents need to immigrate to cities to seek employment opportunities. Nowadays, most countryside inhabitants are commuters, and many of them do not even know their neighbours.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in some parts of the
world
Use synonyms
, traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
 are still prosperous.
For example
Linking Words
, Amazon tribes are absolutely not affected by
technology
Use synonyms
 from the developed
world
Use synonyms
. These tribes continued to hunt animals and pick vegetables from the forests, and traditional skills were passed from the older generation to the younger generation. Other traditional societies,
such
Linking Words
 as some agricultural
communities
Use synonyms
 in Africa, are hugging communication technologies. Mobile phones provide information from weather forecasts to market prices to peasants, which helps them develop strongly,
thus
Linking Words
 supporting their traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is true that many traditional values and practices are vanishing because
technology
Use synonyms
 is developing quickly in the modern
world
Use synonyms
, there are still many traditional
communities
Use synonyms
 and
cultures
Use synonyms
survived
Correct pronoun usage
that survived
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
’s invasion and their
cultures
Use synonyms
 are even developing flourishingly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay provides a well-balanced response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument. However, try to elaborate more on how traditional cultures can adapt alongside technology, as this will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting ideas are logically connected to this main idea. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
supporting points
When using specific examples, aim to provide more detailed information to make your points more convincing. Explaining why or how the example is relevant will add depth to your argument.
introduction
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, setting up the reader for what to expect in the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your argument.
task response
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • traditional cultures
  • technological development
  • modern society
  • incompatible
  • decline
  • traditional crafts
  • rituals
  • digital communication
  • preserve
  • promote
  • documentation
  • online archives
  • virtual museums
  • social media
  • coexist
  • integrates
  • digital storytelling
  • augmented reality
  • cultural tourism
  • perspective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: