Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Government officials are obliged to reduce housing problems and environmental
pollution
for the purpose of preventing disease and illness. I agree that
this
action is completely necessary
due to
how
health
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the health
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of citizens and ecosystems may benefit
overall
. It is obvious that the environment which surrounds humans
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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the main
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
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deciding their health.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
proofs
Replace the word
proves
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why environmental
pollution
and housing problems are the two main culprits
of
Change preposition
apply
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causing disease.
Therefore
, it enforces the need
for reducing
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to reduce
show examples
those issues. If
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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is successful, humans will gain the benefits of vigorous health for many years to come
as a result
.
Thus
, countries should not hesitate to invest their effort to solve the crisis of
pollution
and bad accommodation management. People will not be the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
gaining the benefits from
this
situation if
that is
the case. Evidently, animals are
also
suffering from human pollutants and poor housing as ecosystems are destroyed and contaminated every second. Ultimately, the
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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of those disasters might reach the residents
through
Change preposition
in
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some way in the near future.
As a consequence
, a catastrophe may result if nothing is done about
this
problem.
For instance
, a mass of land
consists
Wrong verb form
consisting
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of enormous amounts of trash is floating around the Great Pacific and causing various unhygienic issues, and it will lead to more serious and inevitable consequences if not dealt with now. In conclusion, whilst some may disagree, proponents
such
as myself will go
along with
the idea of investing in solving
pollution
and issues related to accommodation.
This
will be to ensure a safe and healthy future for humans and wildlife.
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the introduction directly addresses the question, outlining your stance clearly to set the tone for the essay.
Supporting Examples
Try to include more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. Real-world examples or data can make your arguments more convincing.
Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to demonstrate the relationship between ideas more clearly. While your essay has a good logical flow, occasionally, transitions could be smoother.
Grammar & Spelling
Be cautious with occasional grammar and spelling errors. These can detract from the clarity of your ideas.
Content Relevance
You've effectively outlined the link between environmental issues and human welfare, providing a solid basis for your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion does well to summarize the essay, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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