IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that drug companies have a responsibility to spend money on researching medicines that will help people in poorer countries. Others say the main responsibility of drug companies is to make money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #drug #companies #responsibility #money #medicines #countries
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Nowadays, a
vart
Correct your spelling
vast
show examples
 number of
people
 use
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
 in the world. Some individuals believe that
drug
 companies should allocate
money
 for the survey of the medicines.
While
 others think that, their most important responsibility is earning
money
. I will discuss both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 in
this
 essay. On the one hand, there are some points that
producers
 should
be undertake
Change the verb form
undertake
show examples
this
 responsibility.
Drug
Fix the agreement mistake
Drugs
show examples
 can be addictive and it can be so hard to do away with it for society.
Therefore
,
supplier
Fix the agreement mistake
suppliers
show examples
 of
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
 can cause a lot of
people's
Change preposition
people to
show examples
dead
Replace the word
die
show examples
 because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 addictivity.
For example
, a man
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
 might lose his all of
money
, health and life because of the overdose.
As a result
, some
people
 believe that the companies cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a huge number of
people
's dead and they should solve
this
 problem.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think that using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
 is not companies' fault. The users can control
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 and
producers
 might not
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
to spend
Change preposition
for spending
show examples
money
 on
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 problems of users. Supplier may just focus on their
money
 and governments can inspire them to produce more drugs.
For instance
, they might consider that if they allocate
money
 for all poor
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, it can be so costly and it can affect their financial situation negatively.
As a result
, opponents say that users can not blame the
producers
 because being
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
 is not their fault. In conclusion, Despite of fact that there are some ideas which can support
producers
, there are
also
 some opinions that can make
producers
 be unfair.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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topic relevance
Ensure clarity in discussing topics by focusing on the specific debate about the responsibilities of drug companies towards public health vs profit, not the general use of drugs by individuals.
paragraphing
Improve the organization of ideas by using clear paragraphing with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea.
linking words
Work on using a broader range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the coherence of your essay.
examples
Include specific examples to support your arguments, referring to actual scenarios where drug companies have invested in research for medicines for poorer countries or prioritized profit, to strengthen your essay.
grammar/vocabulary
Pay attention to the accuracy of vocabulary and grammar to clearly express your ideas. Consider revising phrases for clarity.
task response
Attempt to cover both views and your own opinion, aligning with the essay task requirements.
topic understanding
The effort to discuss a complex issue, indicating a grasp on the importance of drug companies' roles.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • corporate social responsibility
  • sustainability
  • innovate
  • profitable
  • humanitarian
  • financial health
  • incentivizing
  • neglected diseases
  • ethical implications
  • exclusive rights
  • accessible
  • navigate challenges
What to do next:
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