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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
One of the crucial points of science ought to enhance
people
’s
lives
. I agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will discuss how
scientists
 already have improved
people
’s
lives
 and how some of the breakthroughs had the opposite effect on them. On the one hand,
scientists
 have shown how it is possible to change and improve
people
’s
lives
. Many hospitals have new technologies and equipment because of scientific breakthroughs and the vast majority of doctors use these
innovations
 in the way of threatening patients.
Moreover
,many of the
innovations
 have affected transport systems.
For example
,in Moscow in 2020 the metro had the option to pay by face,
due to
 coronavirus restrictions and protect the citizens from spreading disease.
Therefore
, innovation continues in our contemporary world and leads to
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
 and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
On the other hand
,many discoveries are used in the wrong way.
Nevertheless
,
scientists
 try to protect and improve our
lives
. They have a chance to make some
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
show examples
,which can lead to some environmental and social problems.
For example
,dynamite
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was produced for building explosions without destruction by
people
,
however
,many
people
 used that for poaching and killing animals in wildlife.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
penicillin
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was created for medicine,but some individuals
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 that for drugs and have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that medication.
Hence
, the majority of
innovations
 were present for actions,which would not be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
 or the environment ,
however
, brought some problems in those fields.
Overall
,
scientists
 have produced many of the
innovations
,which have solved and improved our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in medicine and
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
,
however
,many
people
 use these technologies on the wrong side and are able to bring problems and catastrophic consequences to themselves and our environment.
Submitted by batirka06 on

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style
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and complexity of your arguments.
accuracy
Try to proofread your essay to correct minor errors in spelling and grammar for an even more polished submission.
detail
To further support your main points, it would be beneficial to include more detailed examples and data where possible.
presentation
Be mindful of spacing after punctuation marks to maintain the cleanliness and professionalism of your writing.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your argument, providing a good structure.
consistency
You have a clear stance throughout the essay, effectively maintaining your argument's coherence.
examples
Your use of examples, such as the Moscow metro and the misuse of penicillin, is a strong point in illustrating your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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