the most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Although
our life has been getting better as the
scientific technology has been improving, it is undeniable that we Correct article usage
apply
also
need to aim on
balanced evolution for both human and other Change preposition
for
lives
including environment
. Because Add an article
the environment
human
can not Fix the agreement mistake
humans
be prioritized
themselves Wrong verb form
prioritise
than
others.
Change preposition
over
Firstly
, there is one statement we can deny that science
evolution comes with Replace the word
scientific
the
serious Correct article usage
apply
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
such
as non-ethical laboratory
, Fix the agreement mistake
laboratories
climate
change. Many innocent Correct word choice
and climate
lives
had to sacrifice
in order to Wrong verb form
be sacrificed
enable
people’s Verb problem
make
lives
better. Moreover
, we are not give
the right to destroy our land as needed. Countless producing plastic products and using them lead to climate change. Change the verb form
are not given
are not giving
And
, Correct word choice
apply
scientist
and other experts say there is no solution for us to re-save the Fix the agreement mistake
Scientists
planet
Change noun form
planet's
environment
which is left as our heritage to our
next next Correct pronoun usage
apply
generation
. Our next generation
has to be taken over a heavy burden.
So, scientific improvement should stop non-ethical experiments by using animal
. Because other Fix the agreement mistake
animals
lives
have to considered
Add a missing verb
be considered
same
as Correct article usage
the same
human-being
. If one Correct your spelling
human beings
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
go through
extinct, it Wrong verb form
goes
then
affects other species in nature. Besides
, science technology
Correct word choice
and technology
also
aim to develop the
products Correct article usage
apply
less
harmful and eco-friendly Change preposition
in less
environment
to stop climate change to ensure Fix the agreement mistake
environments
our
next Change the word
the
generation
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
same
opportunities that we have.
In conclusion, I strongly disagree that the most valuable aim of science should be to improve Correct article usage
the same
human’s
Change noun form
human
lives
. We should consider the outcome coming after irresponsible development. Because it is not only non-ethical, harmful
to our Correct word choice
and harmful
environment
, but it also
Add a missing verb
is also
Correct article usage
a threats
threats
to Correct subject-verb agreement
threat
our
next Change the word
the
generation
.Submitted by poiiuyou1 on
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Task Achievement
Develop your arguments further with more specific examples and elaborate on how these examples support your viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly and help with the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Be cautious with generalizations unless they are backed up with factual information. Providing sources or studies can enhance your credibility.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain a neutral tone, especially when discussing potentially controversial topics. Balance your argument by acknowledging counterpoints.
General
Review grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity. Small errors can distract from the overall message of your essay.
Task Achievement
You successfully addressed the prompt, showcasing a balanced view on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay.
Task Achievement
You engage with the complexity of the topic well, indicating a high level of critical thinking.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example