IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many countries it is common for parents to give their children pocket money. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice?

#countries #parents #children #pocket #money #practice
Money
 is necessary for living daily life either for adults or
children
. In some families, parents may give
money
 to their kids and let them spend by themselves. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on the pros and cons of giving
pocket
money
 to young people.
First,
Children
 will learn how to manage their
money
. They will consider what should be bought and how important it is.
Also
, they can develop their saving habits which is a life-long fundamental skill.
Second,
it is more convenient for them to buy things that they want.
For example
, they may need to pay for public telephone fees and transportation costs when they get lost or they are in an emergency situation.
In addition
, they can manage to get food or drinks whenever they want. Since parents may sometimes be busy, so they feed them on time.
On the other hand
, safety is another factor that should be considered. A thief can notice
money
 in their
pocket
. It can be stolen and the
children
 may get injured.
Moreover
, parents have to keep their eyes on what was purchased. If their kids spend
money
 on illegal drugs or alcohol, it will cause negative impacts
accordingly
. Teenagers can be easily influenced by their friends or societies. Giving
pocket
money
 to
children
 has various benefits
such
 as
money
 management practices and convenience.
However
, it should be kept appropriately enough to avoid the attack from strangers or
pocket
 pickers.
Furthermore
, it is crucial to monitor their
children
 and ensure that
money
 is spent on the right thing.
Submitted by Punpun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
For coherence, ensure that ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next. Your essay has a good structure, but employing transition words more effectively could enhance readability and connections between ideas.
task achievement
In terms of task response, your essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of giving pocket money to children, which is great. However, you could improve by expanding on your ideas with more detailed examples and possibly including statistics or studies to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively set up and summarize your essay's main points.
supported main points
Your main points are well-supported and relevant, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
complete response
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of giving pocket money to children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: