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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Nowadays researchers and
travelers
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travellers
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 are able to visit far environmental
sightseeing
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sights
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 like the South Pole.
Pros
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The pros
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 and cons of
this
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 phenomenon will be discussed in the essay. I believe that the investigation of remote locations provides the following benefits. First of all, it is considered that missions to the South Pole help to understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climate change issues and ways to prevent the ecological disaster.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the most of new-coming scientific papers, ice is melting each year dramatically. It causes an
overall
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 increased level of water in
the
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apply
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nature, which, eventually, affects undersea habitats and creates floods. Because of
it
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this
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,
the
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apply
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global warming should have been studied in a more efficient way by
physical
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physically
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 observing the place.
In addition
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 to it,
travelers
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travellers
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 could arrange
rescuing
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rescue
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 trips in order to save endangered species of local
animals
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. It is highly crucial to preserve
biological
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the biological
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 diversity of
animals
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 in their natural surroundings.
On the contrary
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, there are not only conscious people who would like to reach remote destinations. Some of them might impose a danger in terms of pollution and stressing the
animals
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. Since
the
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apply
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civilizations
has
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apply
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began to spread around the globe, more and more nature is being polluted with different
source
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sources
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 of garbage.
Due to
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this
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, the
animals
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 and environment might suffer severe repercussions of
human's
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human
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 actions.
Moreover
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, illegal hunting and fishing are another threat
for
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to
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 the wild inhabitants.
To sum up
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, there are plenty of benefits and drawbacks of visiting far distant places. In spite of positive
outcome
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outcomes
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 like studying and helping
to
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apply
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others, people might want to make a profit
of
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from
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 it and become a danger to the natural surroundings.

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Structure and Clarity
To enhance clarity, try structuring your points more distinctly with clear paragraph separation and topic sentences.
Supporting Examples
Include a wider range of examples and evidence to support your points more thoroughly.
Connectives
Work on linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs for better reader engagement.
Balance of Discussion
Make sure to balance your focus between advantages and disadvantages to provide a more comprehensive overview.
Task Response
You correctly identified the task and approached both sides of the argument, which is essential for a high score.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, showing a good understanding of essay structure.
Relevance and Understanding
You have a clear main idea that is relevant to the prompt, demonstrating good task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote natural environment
  • scientific research
  • climate change
  • environmental preservation
  • economic benefits
  • conservation efforts
  • habitat disruption
  • pollution
  • cultural disruption
  • indigenous populations
  • commercialization
  • safety risks
  • personal enrichment
  • ecosystems
  • awareness
  • appreciation for nature
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