Task 2: Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many
people
suppose that effort and discipline play as
important role in achieving Correct your spelling
an
success
in their life, while
others believed
that money and appearance are two Wrong verb form
believe
aspect
affecting Change to a plural noun
aspects
to
Change preposition
apply
people
’s success
. In this
essay, I will discuss advantages
and drawbacks of Correct article usage
the advantages
this
phenomenon and give my own point.
On the one hand, there are some reasons why finance and physical beauty are necessary for many achievements in life. Money could give people
a hand to reaching
their desires easier Wrong verb form
reach
such
as power and frame. For instance
, if individuals have a huge financial budget, they will have a lot of opportunities to progress rapdly
in their Correct your spelling
rapidly
career
or Fix the agreement mistake
careers
being
well-known in the community Wrong verb form
be
Change preposition
in that
that
they Correct pronoun usage
which
lived
Wrong verb form
live
.
Change preposition
in.
Moreover
, personal appearance is one of the crucial factors impacting on
Change preposition
apply
success
. Another example, it would be a good chance for employees to seek a job, in case they can performance
their confident body posture.
Replace the word
perform
On the other hand
, it is wrong when underestimating hard working
and determination, which are vital Replace the word
work
part
to ensure their victory in many fields. Fix the agreement mistake
parts
Firstly
, hard working
can Replace the word
work
helps
Wrong verb form
help
people
gain several valuable experiences in numerous situation
of life. Take a young student as an example, if he or she practices many times in Fix the agreement mistake
situations
kinds
of Correct word choice
different kinds
assignment
, they will Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
more
likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistake, Add a missing verb
be more
therefore
they have tendency
to get high scores in exams. Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
Secondly
, willpower bring
Change the verb form
brings
to
us the motivation to set up the goals which become the foundation of Change preposition
apply
success
. In addition
, this
is an essential features
to allow Change the noun form
feature
people
tackle
Fix the infinitive
to tackle
with
complex problems in living.
In conclusion, money and Change preposition
apply
personal
have an effective influence on achievement like countless chances to improve. Replace the word
personality
However
, the
effort and willpower are dominant factors as Correct article usage
apply
it
are indispensable skills, that can help Correct pronoun usage
they
people
in the
journey Change the word
their
becoming
to Verb problem
apply
success
.Submitted by cathyngo1512 on
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Structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly by having distinct paragraphs for each view and a separate paragraph for your own opinion. This will enhance the logical flow of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and clearly. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Grammar & Accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and aim to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency.
Specific Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples add depth to your discussion and make your points more convincing.
Task Response
You effectively discussed both views on the topic, reflecting a good understanding of the task.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarises your view well, effectively rounding off the essay.