Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many

people

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suppose that effort and discipline play

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important role in achieving

success

Use synonyms

in their life,

while

Linking Words

others

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

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that money and appearance are two

aspect

Change to a plural noun

aspects

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affecting

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

’s

success

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. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

and drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon and give my own point. On the one hand, there are some reasons why finance and physical beauty are necessary for many achievements in life. Money could give

people

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a hand to

reaching

Wrong verb form

reach

show examples

their desires easier

such

Linking Words

as power and frame.

For instance

Linking Words

, if individuals have a huge financial budget, they will have a lot of opportunities to progress

rapdly

Correct your spelling

rapidly

in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

well-known in the community

Change preposition

in that

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that

Correct pronoun usage

which

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they

lived

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

Change preposition

in.

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Moreover

Linking Words

, personal appearance is one of the crucial factors impacting

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apply

show examples

success

Use synonyms

. Another example, it would be a good chance for employees to seek a job, in case they can

performance

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perform

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their confident body posture.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is wrong when underestimating hard

working

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work

show examples

and determination, which are vital

part

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parts

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to ensure their victory in many fields.

Firstly

Linking Words

, hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

can

helps

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

people

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gain several valuable experiences in numerous

situation

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situations

show examples

of life. Take a young student as an example, if he or she practices many times in

kinds

Correct word choice

different kinds

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assignment

Fix the agreement mistake

assignments

show examples

, they will

Add a missing verb

be more

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likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistake,

therefore

Linking Words

they have

tendency

Add an article

a tendency

the tendency

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to get high scores in exams.

Secondly

Linking Words

, willpower

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

us the motivation to set up the goals which become the foundation of

success

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In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is an essential

features

Change the noun form

feature

show examples

to allow

people

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tackle

Fix the infinitive

to tackle

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with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

complex problems in living. In conclusion, money and

personal

Replace the word

personality

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have an effective influence on achievement like countless chances to improve.

However

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

effort and willpower are dominant factors as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

are indispensable skills, that can help

people

Use synonyms

the

Change the word

their

show examples

journey

becoming

Verb problem

apply

show examples

success

Use synonyms

cathyngo1512Tue Apr 23 2024

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Structure

Try to structure your essay more clearly by having distinct paragraphs for each view and a separate paragraph for your own opinion. This will enhance the logical flow of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and clearly. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Grammar & Accuracy

Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and aim to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency.

Specific Examples

Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples add depth to your discussion and make your points more convincing.

Task Response

You effectively discussed both views on the topic, reflecting a good understanding of the task.

Conclusion

Your conclusion summarises your view well, effectively rounding off the essay.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary school to university, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?

the working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that entertainment (eg film stars, pop musicians and story stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of Jobs should be highly paid.

Many parents are unhappy about the fact that the violence content in computer games, TV programs and other leisure activities is influencing their children. What are the harmful effects of such violent programs on children? What are the solutions of this problem?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.