Task 2: Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

Many

people

suppose that effort and discipline play

Correct your spelling

show examples

important role in achieving

success

in their life,

while

others

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

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that money and appearance are two

aspect

Change to a plural noun

aspects

show examples

affecting

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

’s

success

. In

this

essay, I will discuss

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

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and drawbacks of

this

phenomenon and give my own point. On the one hand, there are some reasons why finance and physical beauty are necessary for many achievements in life. Money could give

people

a hand to

reaching

Wrong verb form

reach

show examples

their desires easier

such

as power and frame.

For instance

, if individuals have a huge financial budget, they will have a lot of opportunities to progress

rapdly

Correct your spelling

rapidly

in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

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being

Wrong verb form

show examples

well-known in the community

Change preposition

in that

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

they

lived

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

Change preposition

in.

show examples

Moreover

, personal appearance is one of the crucial factors impacting

Change preposition

apply

show examples

success

. Another example, it would be a good chance for employees to seek a job, in case they can

performance

Replace the word

perform

show examples

their confident body posture.

On the other hand

, it is wrong when underestimating hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

and determination, which are vital

part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

show examples

to ensure their victory in many fields.

Firstly

, hard

working

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work

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can

helps

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

people

gain several valuable experiences in numerous

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

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of life. Take a young student as an example, if he or she practices many times in

kinds

Correct word choice

different kinds

show examples

assignment

Fix the agreement mistake

assignments

show examples

, they will

Add a missing verb

be more

show examples

likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistake,

therefore

they have

tendency

Add an article

a tendency

the tendency

show examples

to get high scores in exams.

Secondly

, willpower

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

us the motivation to set up the goals which become the foundation of

success

In addition

this

is an essential

features

Change the noun form

feature

show examples

to allow

people

tackle

Fix the infinitive

to tackle

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with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

complex problems in living. In conclusion, money and

personal

Replace the word

personality

show examples

have an effective influence on achievement like countless chances to improve.

However

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

effort and willpower are dominant factors as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

are indispensable skills, that can help

people

the

Change the word

their

show examples

journey

becoming

Verb problem

apply

show examples

success

Submitted by cathyngo1512 on Tue Apr 23 2024

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Structure

Try to structure your essay more clearly by having distinct paragraphs for each view and a separate paragraph for your own opinion. This will enhance the logical flow of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and clearly. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Grammar & Accuracy

Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and aim to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency.

Specific Examples

Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples add depth to your discussion and make your points more convincing.

Task Response

You effectively discussed both views on the topic, reflecting a good understanding of the task.

Conclusion

Your conclusion summarises your view well, effectively rounding off the essay.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Task 2: Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

In some places, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

56.Some people say that advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people feel dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?