Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Many

people

Use synonyms

suppose that effort and discipline play

Correct your spelling

show examples

important role in achieving

success

Use synonyms

in their life,

while

Linking Words

others

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

that money and appearance are two

aspect

Change to a plural noun

aspects

show examples

affecting

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

’s

success

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

and drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon and give my own point. On the one hand, there are some reasons why finance and physical beauty are necessary for many achievements in life. Money could give

people

Use synonyms

a hand to

reaching

Wrong verb form

reach

show examples

their desires easier

such

Linking Words

as power and frame.

For instance

Linking Words

, if individuals have a huge financial budget, they will have a lot of opportunities to progress

rapdly

Correct your spelling

rapidly

in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

well-known in the community

Change preposition

in that

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

they

lived

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

Change preposition

in.

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, personal appearance is one of the crucial factors impacting

Change preposition

apply

show examples

success

Use synonyms

. Another example, it would be a good chance for employees to seek a job, in case they can

performance

Replace the word

perform

show examples

their confident body posture.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is wrong when underestimating hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

and determination, which are vital

part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

show examples

to ensure their victory in many fields.

Firstly

Linking Words

, hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

can

helps

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

people

Use synonyms

gain several valuable experiences in numerous

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

of life. Take a young student as an example, if he or she practices many times in

kinds

Correct word choice

different kinds

show examples

assignment

Fix the agreement mistake

assignments

show examples

, they will

Add a missing verb

be more

show examples

likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistake,

therefore

Linking Words

they have

tendency

Add an article

a tendency

the tendency

show examples

to get high scores in exams.

Secondly

Linking Words

, willpower

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

us the motivation to set up the goals which become the foundation of

success

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is an essential

features

Change the noun form

feature

show examples

to allow

people

Use synonyms

tackle

Fix the infinitive

to tackle

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

complex problems in living. In conclusion, money and

personal

Replace the word

personality

show examples

have an effective influence on achievement like countless chances to improve.

However

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

effort and willpower are dominant factors as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

are indispensable skills, that can help

people

Use synonyms

the

Change the word

their

show examples

journey

becoming

Verb problem

apply

show examples

success

Use synonyms

cathyngo1512Tue Apr 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure

Try to structure your essay more clearly by having distinct paragraphs for each view and a separate paragraph for your own opinion. This will enhance the logical flow of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and clearly. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Grammar & Accuracy

Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and aim to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency.

Specific Examples

Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples add depth to your discussion and make your points more convincing.

Task Response

You effectively discussed both views on the topic, reflecting a good understanding of the task.

Conclusion

Your conclusion summarises your view well, effectively rounding off the essay.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Exploration in a deserted house To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Guni and Gougi lived in a world, corrupted by & ghosts and supernatural beings from different," world. The planet was called Gaia. In their small village of the mysterious valley of no return, there stood a deserted house, its windows were shattered its roof were sagging, and it was & surounded wa with a ghostly aura. Rumouts spread throughout the village that the house was haunted, but Guni and Gougi did not believe in such rumours. They had curious brigh, alu seeking for adventure at most unique places.
6
band
The pictures show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK.
The pie chart and the table shown depicts information of a mean salary aganist consumption of food and clothes by a middle family in the town of Britain from 2010 to 2013 in proportion to percentages relating to five categories of basic commodity products.
6.5
band
Increasing number of people are choosing plastic surgery. Why do people want to change the way they look? What are the possible effects?
These days, many people have been inclined to change their appearance with the help of plastic surgery. There are several reasons behind this issue such as the beauty standards of the modern world and improvements in medicine. As a result, individuals can mostly endanger their health in order to look better and waste a lot of money.
7
band
Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that advertisements targeting children have more drawbacks, and therefore, they should be banned. I completely agree with this statement due to both health and economic reasons.
6.5
band
Sample Question Version 04(Discuss both views) : In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views.
Over the past few decades, we have witnessed a remarkable tendency among young adults to engage in paid or unpaid work. While some argue that this trend imposes undue pressure on youth, others view it creates a great opportunity to discover practical challenges they will face in their lives at some point. From my perspective, early work experiences offer invaluable chances to gain practical skills and develop a strong sense of responsibility.

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Exploration in a deserted house To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The pictures show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK.

Increasing number of people are choosing plastic surgery. Why do people want to change the way they look? What are the possible effects?

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sample Question Version 04(Discuss both views) : In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views.