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Band 5.5

If a person is found to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while driving, they should be banned from driving for life, whether they were involved in an accident or not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #influence #drugs #alcohol #life #accident
It is argued that if
people
 use illegal substances or
alcohol
, they should not be allowed to
drive
 under any circumstance, which
warrant
Change the verb form
warrants
show examples
termination
Correct article usage
the termination
show examples
 of their driving license permanently, regardless
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 they are involved in
any
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 accident or not. I completely agree with the statement because
this
 is one of the many ways to prevent harm to innocent
people
 and there are other options available than driving. Drivers who
drive
while
 intoxicated with drugs or
alcohol
 should be prohibited from driving permanently to avoid innocent bystanders being harmed. Under the influence, one
loss
Replace the word
loses
show examples
 the ability to
drive
 properly
due to
 impaired judgement clouded by those substances, and could easily
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
,
hence
, stricter punishment is needed to educate the community on the weight of their action.
For example
, in the UK, individuals causing death by dangerous driving or careless driving under
Correct article usage
the influences
show examples
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
show examples
 can receive
lifetime
Correct article usage
a lifetime
show examples
 driving ban,
however
, I believe that the law should be exercised regardless if
accident
Correct article usage
an accident
show examples
 happen or not.
In addition
, lifelong driving prohibition should be imposed to remind drivers that they have alternative transportation methods after drinking.
People
 will be afraid of losing their driving
privilege
Fix the agreement mistake
privileges
show examples
 and trying their best to avoid driving after consumption of
alcohol
 or illegal substance.
For example
, in South Korea, which
popular
Add a missing verb
is popular
show examples
 with drinking culture, there are hired driver services available for
people
 who wish to avoid driving after a drinking party, which can be reserved ahead or by call, depending on the situation. In conclusion, it is argued that someone who
drive
Change the verb form
drives
show examples
 after drinking
alcohol
 or using drugs should be prohibited
to
Change preposition
from driving
show examples
drive
 for life to protect the public from harm and there are other options than driving under
heavy
Correct article usage
the heavy
show examples
 influence
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those substances.
Submitted by shaz.777 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
task achievement
Consider balancing both views, even if you strongly agree or disagree, to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction concisely presents your opinion, setting a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You've effectively used examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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