All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

Whether humans
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
all ages have been facing
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
overweighting problems or not is a crucial subject of public concern and debate around the globe. There are a number of justifications regarding
this
issue,
however
, I will argue that it is not insurmountable provided some
meatures
Correct your spelling
measures
are taken. There is a widely held view that people's lifestyle
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have
Change the verb form
had
show examples
some
unevitable
Correct your spelling
inevitable
impact on their
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
including obesity. To clarify, the reason behind
this
statement is that the daily
routins
Correct your spelling
routines
routine
have been changed over recent decades on
accont
Correct your spelling
account
of
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
development.
This
factor would affect
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
approaches to do their
chors
Correct your spelling
chores
show examples
.
For instance
, all the activities
such
as shopping, playing,
doing
Correct word choice
and doing
show examples
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
, to name but a few have been depending on that
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
of physical movement.
Thus
, the more low-key our life
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
, the more
wight
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
we gain. When it comes to tackling obesity and its
sideffects
Correct your spelling
side effects
, it is essential that everyone embark on revising some of their habits which might lead to burning less energy and getting fat. Activating the living programs, youngsters and adolescents might
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
some
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
courses
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taking some steps to give up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tochnology
Correct your spelling
technology
addiction in some cases.
In addition
, adults who work in a firm or in a household could come up with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
couple
Change preposition
of practises
show examples
practises
Correct subject-verb agreement
practise
show examples
plans to help them
ethier
Correct your spelling
either
way
mentaly
Correct your spelling
mentally
and physicaly.
Therefore
, despite the fact that they protect
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
and their
loving
Replace the word
loved
show examples
ones, they would
diminsh
Correct your spelling
diminish
the
barriars
Correct your spelling
barriers
of obesity. In conclusion, I argued the reasons which potentially cause ending up obes,
moreover
, some alternative solutions to withdraw
desfunctional
Correct your spelling
dysfunctional
daily acts and to tackle
those feasable effect
Change the determiner
that feasable effect
those feasable effects
show examples
of gaining weight
intensly
Correct your spelling
intensely
.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language accuracy
To enhance clarity, focus on precise language use and correct minor grammatical errors. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
Detail and development
Develop your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more informative.
Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within them to improve the flow of your essay. This aids in creating a cohesive argument.
Task response
Address the prompt fully by balancing your essay structure to cover all aspects of the question equally. Ensure that your conclusion summarises your main points effectively.
Task response
Your essay addresses the topic directly and provides a clear opinion, which is good for task response.
Logical structure
You have a logical structure that helps readers follow your argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and bookend your argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: