All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #affects #children #adults #rise

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Whether humans

from

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all ages have been facing

the

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increase

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overweighting problems or not is a crucial subject of public concern and debate around the globe. There are a number of justifications regarding

this

issue,

however

, I will argue that it is not insurmountable provided some

meatures

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measures

are taken. There is a widely held view that people's lifestyle

has

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apply

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have

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had

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some

unevitable

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inevitable

impact on their

health related

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health-related

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deseases

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diseases

including obesity. To clarify, the reason behind

this

statement is that the daily

routins

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routines

routine

have been changed over recent decades on

accont

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account

technology

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technological

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development.

This

factor would affect

individuals

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individuals'

individual's

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approaches to do their

chors

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chores

show examples

For instance

, all the activities

such

as shopping, playing,

doing

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and doing

show examples

homeworks

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homework

, to name but a few have been depending on that

insted

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instead

of physical movement.

Thus

, the more low-key our life

get

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gets

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, the more

wight

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weight

show examples

we gain. When it comes to tackling obesity and its

sideffects

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side effects

, it is essential that everyone embark on revising some of their habits which might lead to burning less energy and getting fat. Activating the living programs, youngsters and adolescents might

enroll

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enrol

show examples

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some

sport

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sports

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courses

as well as

the

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apply

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taking some steps to give up

the

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apply

show examples

tochnology

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technology

addiction in some cases.

In addition

, adults who work in a firm or in a household could come up with

the

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couple

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of practises

show examples

practises

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practise

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plans to help them

ethier

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either

way

mentaly

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mentally

and physicaly.

Therefore

, despite the fact that they protect

themselve

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themselves

and their

loving

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loved

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ones, they would

diminsh

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diminish

the

barriars

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barriers

of obesity. In conclusion, I argued the reasons which potentially cause ending up obes,

moreover

, some alternative solutions to withdraw

desfunctional

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dysfunctional

daily acts and to tackle

those feasable effect

Change the determiner

that feasable effect

those feasable effects

show examples

of gaining weight

intensly

Correct your spelling

intensely

Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on Tue Apr 23 2024

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Language accuracy

To enhance clarity, focus on precise language use and correct minor grammatical errors. This will make your arguments more persuasive.

Detail and development

Develop your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more informative.

Cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within them to improve the flow of your essay. This aids in creating a cohesive argument.

Task response

Address the prompt fully by balancing your essay structure to cover all aspects of the question equally. Ensure that your conclusion summarises your main points effectively.

Task response

Your essay addresses the topic directly and provides a clear opinion, which is good for task response.

Logical structure

You have a logical structure that helps readers follow your argument.

Introduction/Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and bookend your argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The plans below showe the layout of a public library now, and how it will look after development.

You work in an international company. You need to take some time off work. Write a letter to your employer. In your letter: explain why you need this time off give details of when you want this time off say who can do your work when you are away

Government spending on restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend the money for housing and road development. Do you agree or disagree?

Some sports are extremely dangerous for those who play them. Why do people participate in such sports? What measures could they take to minimize the risk involved?