Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent days, there has been an inclination that children are now spending hours immersing themselves
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
a virtual
show examples
world. Some
people
are holding the expression whether
this
mobile device is a beneficial or detrimental advancement, I am of the former opinion. In
this
essay, I will elucidate the causes of
this
trend before presenting my
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
about
this
phenomenon. There are many crucial causes explaining why the youth are spending more time on
smartphones
.
Firstly
, in the past,
while
there were no technological
devices
that had been exposed to the young, children often chose to hang out with friends for outdoor activities.
By contrast
, as
smartphones
are released to youngsters nowadays, they are finding that entertaining in a virtual world is
also
as fun as in real life,
as a result
, spending more time on mobile is unavoidable.
Moreover
,
smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
show examples
manulfacturer
Correct your spelling
manufacturer
manufacturers
are now enough smart to meet the demand of the youth by
prducing
Correct your spelling
producing
gaming phones that can
apeal
Correct your spelling
appeal
them to buy. Despite the aforementioned
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
negative effects, I am of the opinion that these mobile
devices
are
also
a positive development in today's life.
To begin
with, these smart
devices
are facilitating our lives better, as it can be seen that
people
nowadays
are owning
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
smartphones
for themselves.
This
can be explained because these
devices
are an indispensable part of our lives, just because they can help us communicate with our relatives no matter where they are.
Besides
that,
this
smart thing is the go-to choice option for many
people
who want to relax after a
hard-working
Correct your spelling
hard working
show examples
day.
As a result
,
smartphones
are playing a vital role in every
people
's lives In conclusion, despite the drawbacks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smartphones
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
to children nowadays, I hold the opinion that these smart
devices
are the technological advancement of the modern world.
Submitted by lamdactuanga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with examples or further explanation.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, integrate more specific examples and data to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Refine your usage of linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence.
Language Accuracy
Be cautious with spelling and grammatical errors which can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Small errors can accumulate and impact the reader's understanding.
Task Response
You've effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear stance on the issue, which is great for task response.
Task Response
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates your opinion, contributing to a good closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: